


Homecoming

by NotoriousHRC



Series: Homecoming [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Flashbacks, Home, Mother-Son Relationship, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotoriousHRC/pseuds/NotoriousHRC
Summary: Han/Leia romance during The Force Awakens. Takes place after TFA's Han/Leia embrace and follows through to when he leaves to bring back their son. Each chapter starts with a flashback of their early life, life with young Ben, and the trials that brought them to this moment.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Han Solo, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Han Solo, Leia Organa & Ben Solo, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Leia Organa/Han Solo
Series: Homecoming [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741501
Comments: 27
Kudos: 75
Collections: HanLeia Challenge





	1. Bring Him Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I'm new to writing for Han/Leia and really enjoyed creating this! I posted it with the April 2020 HanLeiaChallenge because I thought it fit in well.
> 
> Reviews are welcome and appreciated! Enjoy!
> 
> Needless to say, I don't own anything.

“He places his hands on her shoulders. It could be thirty years ago. They both know there's a good chance he won't make it back. They pull each other tight, holding for dear life.” - The Force Awakens

* * *

**_30 Years Ago- Endor_ **

_It was long after dusk on Endor. Judging from the previous weeks gay festivities, the Ewoks would have much sleep to catch up on. The nighttime sky shimmered with the multitude of stars in the galaxy. Only one fire on Endor was aglow with activity, though with an audience limited to three people._

_They walked toward the ordained rebel general, hand in hand. Her, donning her signature white dress cinched at the waist with a gold belt and with a long cream jacket and sandals. He, sporting his signature button-up and vest, this time sans holster and with his hair slightly slicked back. They walked completely in sync through the forest and up to the third person in their party._

_They took their places, facing the other with the general between them. At the general’s first statement, they joined hands._

_The third person spoke from his memory, reciting the words he had repeated many times for many couples. This pair appeared to be no different. The groom couldn’t move his eyes from his captivating bride. The bride stared right back with an adoring gaze._

_Their hands were clothed in smooth, youthful flesh, yet weathered through war. Their faces, deeply set at the eyes with the trials and challenges they’ve faced. Their eyes, opened and scarred by images and experiences they never predicted. Time had changed them._

_And yet here they stood, together on the other side. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a wedding ring. He took it, the ring adorned with sapphire gems in a twisted gold setting, and slipped it on her finger while reciting his promise to love, honor, and cherish her. She repeated his words, pledging her love till death do they part._

_The general raised his right hand, gesturing to the bride and then the groom._

_The words sparked action. The groom let go of his bride’s hands, but only to move to caress her cheeks. The bride latched onto her groom’s arms, pulling him close with her fingertips digging into his skin. He tilted her head, leaned in, and poured all the passion, intimacy, commitment, and love he could into his wholehearted kiss. She matched his devotion in earnest, savoring all they were together. He shifted, moving his arms to her back, intensifying their kiss._

_When she felt adequately sated, she reached for his hands and brought them to her sides. He pulled back, only slightly, so she could witness the absolute elation on his face. He snaked a hand around the back of her neck and let her head rest on his chest. With his other arm around her back, he pulled her impossibly closer._

* * *

**The Force Awakens: Present Day**

It was as if no time had passed, and yet it seemed forever since she felt this warmth, this shared understanding. The tips of her fingers kneaded into the muscles of his arms, unafraid of showing how clingy she felt in this moment.

Han felt her grip tighten, and he felt no hesitation to press her head even tighter against his chest, his fingers lightly stroking the base of her neck, reacquainting himself with his wife. He let his chin rest on her head briefly before diving his nose into her hair, immediately hit by the blessed aroma of… her. His lips felt the strands as he pursed them over the top of her head. He could have comfortably stayed like this forever, safely cocooned in the arms that he called home.

In their embrace, she felt their collective grief. Grief for what they lost in each other, and what they lost in their son. And she wanted it to end.

She spoke, quietly. She knew he could hear her. She knew he was the only one who had any chance of hearing the sentiment laced in. “If you see our son again,” she paused, well aware of the implications of her words, enshrined in hope. “Bring him home.”

He swallowed and tugged her impossibly closer. His eyes drifted to the horizon, devoid of the hope she had in hers. He wanted to believe it, but couldn’t. She always had more faith than he did. Faith in the rebellion, faith in their son… faith in him.

As they finally broke their embrace, his hands drifted to her waist and shoulder. Her hands slid down his arms. Their touch turned light, not in a hesitant way but instead conveying gentle soothing. Like the tender touch of a butterfly landing on soft skin.

She tilted her head to once again meet his eyes. Those eyes that drove her crazy; crazy with frustration, with anger, and with love. A deep love. It honestly frightened her that after this time apart she felt her love so strongly. Indomitable, steadfast, resolute. He felt it too. She knew that. She saw it the very second she clasped her eyes on him at the bottom of the ramp.

“General Organa.”

The pilot’s distant voice didn’t break their moment, but rather deescalated and brought them back to the here and now. Han was leaving early the next morning, but would he return?

Han turned his chin to meet the new player in their scene, his eyes rolling and his upper lip stiffening as he shouted across the yard. “Hey,” he retorted, mostly in jest, mostly. “That’s Organa-Solo.”

That wasn’t her legal name, but she rolled her eyes at him with a quiet smirk, letting it go.

She answered her pilot’s call only slightly stepping away from her partner. “On my way, Poe.”

He noticed the way the pilot’s eyes narrowed and how he walked backwards a few steps before fully turning back towards headquarters. 

Before she could fully turn to follow, Han spoke.

“He’s checking up on you,” he gritted out, now finding his hands devastatingly empty without her body in his grasp. He wished it was. He shifted his hands quickly between his waist, his holster, and crossing them against his chest.

She tilted her head back to him with a wry smile. She knew his tone and his unspoken jealousies. “He’s protective. Been with us since the beginning,” she defended, her voice playful. She hesitated before vocalizing her next thought. “Best pilot I have.”

She knew that would get him, but she didn’t expect the immediate forceful retort.

“Second best.” He stepped up, straightening his shoulders unconsciously bringing himself to his full height. He pulled back from the hard edge his voice took as he reminded her sincerely, “You’ll always have me.”

She did. And she always would. Smiling tightly, she turned back to him over her shoulder as she walked away.

“I know.”


	2. The Falcon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to the kind people who sent messages. COVID-19 quarantine has me eager for conversation, so please feel free to leave me a note and I will respond!
> 
> I will be posting daily updates for this 12 chapter story. Enjoy!

_**30 Years Ago- Endor** _

_He was truly captivated by her, that had to be the reason he was out here half-naked with her in the middle of the night, his wedding night he should add, in the freezing cold water because she said she wanted to swim. And she must be the reason that this thrilled him._

_“Last one in has to mop the Falcon!” Han screamed as he charged ahead, dropping his towel on the sandy edge and continuing to the small Endor lake._

_“Neither of us do that anyway!” Leia ran laughing right behind him._

_He reached the water first and continued running until he fell into the center of the lake._

_Leia was right on his tail. She threw her towel beside his and splashed in after him. She turned sideways as the chill hit her. “It’s so warm!” She mocked his admonishment of the freezing temperature._

_He emerged from the water a few feet in front of her, shaking the water from his face. “Like bathwater, as my mother always used to say.”_

_She floated out to where he was and dunked her head under._

_They swam beyond the shore to a flat place where they could both stand._

_She pushed herself onto her back and floated. “What a day, husband…”_

_He bent his knees slightly so his shoulders were immersed in the tepid water. “You could say that, wife.” He held her toes as she floated contently. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me, Leia. I never thought I would get married, ever.”_

_She smiled contently from her spot. “You’re a lone wolf.”_

_He watched her with mirth forming in his eyes. “Not to say there weren’t other women…”_

_She didn’t rise to his bait. “Why not marry them then? Sex not great?” She bit her lip, hiding her smirk and waiting for his reaction. “Han!” She shrieked as he yanked her feet, pulling her to sit astride his body._

_“I don’t know,” he held her tight. “I guess I’ll never have another chance to explore the answer to that question, Mrs. Solo.”_

_“It’s still Organa,” she mock admonished. “And you bet your sweet life you won’t be trying that anywhere else but in our bedroom with me in it.” She skimmed her hand against the water, splashing him directly in the face and managing to swim away._

_“Okay then…” He wanted to flip the script. “I hear sex on the beach is overrated, anyway.” Ducking his mouth under the water he waited for her response._

_That earned him another splash from Leia._

_“Don’t knock it till ya try it!” She joked, sort of._

_“Why Princess Leia…” he lilted in a surprised tone._

_“You and your dirty mind…” She didn’t think he was sufficiently admonished, so she brought her hands to the back of his head and used all her strength to dunk him under. She kept them there as he struggled to break the crest, eventually holding her waist in his hands to get her weight off of him._

_His head emerged and he spit some water out of his mouth. His hands still around her and her grip moving to the nape of his neck._

_She felt her stomach flip as he looked into her eyes. She corrected him, in the only low rasp she could muster. “I’m not knocking it till I try it either.”_

_He swallowed, his heart beating faster. He felt a pulse lower in his body as he watched her bob in the water, only her underwear to cover up patches of her skin._

_She couldn’t tear her eyes from him if she wanted to. Her grasp on his arm turned into a gentle stroke as she lowered her fingertips down his arm, below the waterline, and stopping at his wrist. Her chest expanded and contracted shallow breaths twice as fast as usual._

_He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He was suddenly aware of her wet hair clinging to the side of her face, how it flowed and stuck to her shoulder and down to her chest. Water droplets streamed over her face and collected at the tip of her nose and chin only to fall into the water a moment later. Her mouth parted slightly and he watched her tongue peek through her mouth to lick a drop off her pink lips. His breath came in quick labored gasps and he felt a surge of adrenaline shoot from his core to every nerve in his body._

_A wry laugh emerged from his smirk and he stuck out a finger in admonishment. “Stop it Leia!”_

_“I’m not doing… anything.” She whimpered innocently._

_He couldn’t follow his body’s reaction. She had him wild, turned around inside. The desire was creeping heavy in his soul. He was on fire and she was the oxygen he craved._

_She stepped closer to him, only a feather’s width between them. She dropped her head back, staring up at him with longing in her eyes. Starting low, the wet pads of her fingertips traced the sculpting of his body, reaching the groves of his abdomen, gradually climbing to the expanse of his chest, before finally latching a gip on his shoulders._

_He wasn’t far behind her as he tilted his head down, giving her the ability to reach his lips with hers._

_Her active mouth manifested the feelings that were in her heart. She felt him reciprocate the message, his soul gripping her tighter, pulling her under._

_In her haze, she pulled away only enough to catch her breath. She felt her skin burning where his hands ended up on her cheek and at the small of her waist. Her head tilted to the other side, knocking noses as the magnetic force pulled them in again._

_He felt his chest swirl as soon as her lips touched his. She was so warm. She let out a breath and he sucked it in a moment later. Somehow his fingers made it to the back of her underwear and flicked open the hook. He felt her legs wrap around his waist and her center press into his groin. If he was in the right headspace, he would have heard the heavy, wanting moan that rumbled in the back of his throat and straight into her mouth._

_She didn’t even feel herself leave the water, droplets dripping from her skin until he knelt down and laid her on the sandy shore. Her top was now thrown to the side and both their bottoms soon to follow._

_Their bodies spoke the same language, taking as much as giving, touching as much as being touched, and taking control as much as submitting. Uniting as one in this intimate way sent them both into another realm, floating away in ecstasy. Rogue kisses peppering their journey into euphoria._

_She felt herself come out of her body. She was hovering above them watching the scene unfold, the passionate picture they made, twisted up secret creatures. Every fiber of her being poured out for him, every patch of skin displayed for him, her soul opened up for him, her heart beating in perfect sync with his. Together, they reached an atmospheric breaking high._

_They barely had time to slow before the sky opened up and poured its cleansing water on the land. The rain only cultivated the dreamlike state they were in. Grabbing their clothes they hurried back into their first home as a married couple, the Millennium Falcon._

_They paused, staring at each other, not intending on ending this anytime soon. Lovers tonight and until eternity._

_“Bed,” he rasped out._

_She managed to nod before their bodies met again, stumbling over each other to reach the pillowed bed, the wetness dripping off of them pooling all over the floor. The galaxy turned for them. This night was theirs._

_He found himself firmly on top of her. Skin still wet and sweaty, tasting salty and sweet, drenching the bed in their lovemaking. Tangled tongues and lips drinking in the pleasure the other offered._

_She heard him call her with soft-spoken words, the ones lovers share. She reveled in his hands bringing her more pleasure than she could ever imagine. She fell hard for him. Her world was turning with him and for him._

_They made love until they couldn’t anymore, laying utterly exhausted against each other, panting into the black night. Her cheek on his shoulder and half her body laying on top of his. Her hand stroked the skin on his chest as her tongue licked the sticky sweat mixed with the salty water covering him like a film._

_He felt her weight on top of him, the curve of her back as he brushed it with the back of his fingers. Her kiss and their collective sweat, how their first night as a married couple turned out to be even more than he could ever dream of. He closed his eyes, thinking about her last words to him, muttered in the sizzling afterglow._

_“Don’t ever leave me.”_

_And his honest answer._

_“I won’t."_

* * *

Night had fallen at the Resistance base. Admiral Ackbar and Poe stood facing the projected map and battle plans. The Admiral felt as confident as he did with any number of their plans that shockingly succeeded. 

General Organa stood to their left postured in a similar stance, but her focused unblinking stare suggested her mind was far away from the battle map. Or perhaps not far away, but about three hangers away.

At this point, she had let the idea marinate enough to feel confident in her decision. But if she was honest with herself, it was an easy decision. She would never be able to get to sleep that night knowing he was only a short walk away from her. 

“Admiral, Poe,” she suddenly spoke. “I’m letting you take over command watch for the night.”

Admiral Ackbar nodded. “Roger that, General.”

She nodded a smile towards her old friends, but hesitated as she turned for the door.

Poe saw her hesitation. “Don’t worry, General. I’ll wake you if there are any changes.”

She, again, nodded before walking through the exit. “You’ll find me on the Millennium Falcon.” 


	3. Their Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me a comment.

_**30 Years Ago- Chandrila**_

_She had come home early that day. She canceled any remaining meetings on her schedule. Senate business could wait._

_Once in their apartment, she ripped off her coat, unconsciously following her routine of laying it on a chair to be picked up later. She stood still for a moment, trying to make a conscious decision of what she needed to do before her husband arrived. She sent him a message as soon as she left for the day, and she had no doubt that he would see that as highly skeptical and come home as soon as possible._

_With a general plan in her head, she rushed into the bedroom, to her vanity, and sat on the stool. Fiddling with her hair, she straightened the braids piled on top of her head and finally noticed the mess of makeup that covered her cheeks. She didn’t realize how much makeup was wiped off under her eyes. She rubbed her fingers beneath each of her eyes, trying to remove the smears._

_Reaching into her gown pocket, she took out a holo that currently felt like her lifeline. Standing with her cloak blowing behind her, she placed it on her bedside table. She then stood at the foot of the bed, ready for his entrance._

_“Leia!”_

_She didn’t have to wait long. Hearing his heavy footfall right when he entered their apartment, she folded her hands together to keep them from fidgeting and bit her lip to keep herself from smiling. He burst through the bedroom door only a moment later, filling the room with his presence._

_“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he asked, rushing towards her dressed in his typical vest and shirt, holster still tied to his leg. He obviously hadn’t even bothered to wash his hands or wash the grease smears off his cheek._

_She looked past him. “Close the door, Han.”_

_He drew his eyebrows together. “Why?”_

_“Just do it, please.” She tried to suppress her elation by biting harder on her lip and averting her eyes out the windows beside her._

_He took her closed-off manner as a bad sign. He turned to shut the door and took one last steadying breath before solemnly returning to her side._

_He tried to read her face, but he could only see her forehead, eyelids, and the tip of her nose. “What’d I do?” He asked, convinced that she was about to reprimand him for something. Since they had been married for about a month, everything was usually his fault._

_“Han,” she began softly._

_“Did the press pick up on my night out with Lando last weekend?” he interrupted, not at all comfortable with the uneasiness in her voice._

_She shook her head. “No, although I’m still waiting for an explanation for that specific night myself, but…”_

_“Not my fault, Leia!” he defended. “I told you I only had a few, I was holdin' Lando up in that photo!”_

_His firing remarks drew her gaze to her husband. “No, that’s not why I left work early…”_

_“Well then what, Leia? You’re scarin’ me.” He shuffled his weight between his feet and ran his fingers through his scruffy hair. His face showed his natural boyish innocence and worry._

_“Calm down.” She took his hand from its fidgeting and pulled it to her chest. “It’s nothing you did… Well,” she hesitated. “Well, I guess it is something you did. Damn it, Han!” She added the last phrase with mock annoyance._

_He looked at her, even more confused. “What?”_

_She took a step backward, smirking and releasing his hand. “Sit down, honey.”_

_Keeping his eyes glued to his wife, he sat at the bottom of the bed._

_She took her time. This seemed so easy to tell him in her head, but the reality of the situation was so much more complicated. She was a sitting Senator trying to rebuild a republic. She had an incomprehensible amount of responsibility on her shoulders and nowhere in their busy schedules did it account for this turn of events._

_“Leia, please,” he implored._

_She turned to face him, standing with her knees against his. Her hands gently wrapped around his neck and his hands naturally went to her waist, immediately moving to stroke her middle. She looked down at the immaculate placement of his hands._

_She met his anxious eyes with her steady ones. “Han… honey… we’re having a baby.”_

_He would be lying if he said this wasn’t the biggest shock of his life. His jaw dropped and his eyes went blank. His heart must have skipped a beat because it started to beat twice as fast to catch up. “What?” He said breathlessly, in disbelief._

_She nodded her head as she watched his mind process. “I’m pregnant.”_

_He looked her up and down, jaw slack. “Really?” he barely whispered._

_“Yes…” Her own happiness leaked out of her eyes and smile._

_“Really?” He stood, choking on his words._

_“Yes!”_

_“Oh gods!” He pulled her body into his fast embrace; his right hand secured at her waist, his left hand holding her head against his. In quick succession, he kissed her forehead, cheek, and finally landed heavily on her mouth. “A baby!”_

_He let out an exuberant yahoo. With all the extra energy he suddenly had, he wrapped his arms around her back and swept his wife off her feet, twirling her around their bedroom. Their joint laughter rang through the room._

_“Han!” she exclaimed, grabbing at his arms. “You’re squishing us!”_

_“Oh Kriff!” he quickly sat her down on the bottom edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” He moved straight to her feet. “Let me help you.” He quickly removed her shoes, lifted a now barefoot, and began to massage the sole._

_“Honey!” His rapid actions made her unsteady and she tilted to her side, holding her body up on her elbow. “I’ll take a rain check on the foot massage. I’ll need it more in the upcoming months.” She took his chin in the palm of her hand and pulled his head to meet hers. “I would much prefer another form of attention right now.”_

_Without needing any more direction, he gladly gave her what she wanted. Leaning back, she used her arms to slide slowly to the center of the bed. He followed straddling and crawling over her body so their kiss never had the means to break._

_When she was settled in the center, she leaned her head against the plush pillows and hooked her arms under his and up around his shoulders. He flipped positions so they both laid on their sides. Her leg, hindered a bit by the yards of fabric that made up her gown, immediately wrapped around his calf. She let out a breathless whimper as his mouth left hers, only to travel directly over her chin and down her neck. He kissed her skin as far down as he could, but clothing didn’t deter his intent. He made it to her stomach and hovered while the reality of their new situation sunk in._

_“Kriff,” he sighed. “I didn’t think it could happen so fast.” He was still in a state of shock and amazement. They had only been married for about a month. That was not to suggest that they had only been exploring the intimate side of their relationship for a month. He had to think back years to remember those early days._

_“Do you want a better view?” she inquired, watching his ministrations on her stomach._

_He smiled wryly up at her. “I would.” He had her dress hiked halfway up her legs before she stopped him._

_“That’s not exactly what I meant.” She shushed his hands away. “Let me up for a moment.”_

_He unpinned her and let her reach for the holo on the bedside table._

_“You see there,” she turned it on and pointed to the blob in the image. “There he is.”_

_He couldn’t hold in his overjoyed expression for anything in the world. That tiny smudge was their kid. To keep from outwardly tearing up, he decided to play with her. “So you’re sure it’s a boy?”_

_“Um-hum,” she hummed. “I’m positive.”_

_He let her think she won, for now. He took the holo and held it in between both of them. “We’ll keep this one here… and I want a copy to keep in the Falcon.”_

* * *

Stepping into the ‘fresher on the Falcon that night, he felt a sense of relief as the warm water sprayed over his aging body. Relief, first of all, that the ‘fresher still worked after all this time and relief to have time to himself after a trying few days.

He should go to her. He knew right away that he would never be able to get to sleep that night knowing she was only a short walk away from him. She probably had her own quarters. With a regulation-sized bed no doubt, but they could fit. They had to fit or else he would be getting no sleep and would be completely useless the next day.

Their life together had not been easy, not in any way. There was past hurt and past regrets enough to share. But of course they would want to be together. To share this night. It was inevitable. 

This thought suddenly made him scrub his body with a new vigor that got the job done quicker. He felt a raw unhindered need to be with her as much as possible, to squeeze all they could of the time they had because the next day…

The next day… he was to see his son again. Or what is left of his son. Their son. He didn’t need to be trained in the Force to sense the ominous day ahead. 


	4. Come Back to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are welcome!

**_29 Years Ago- Chandrila_**

_It started as they expected. She felt the onset of labor that evening, the Force giving her ample warning time to prepare a small bag for her and the baby. She waltzed happily through their apartment from their bedroom to the lavishly equipped nursery picking up everything she needed; baby clothes, booties, a fleece baby blanket, and a stuffed Ewok her brother bought for them as soon as he deduced the baby was conceived on Endor right around the time of their wedding._

_Han was, understandably, anxious and felt at a loose end as she busied herself with preparations. She decided to wait to travel to the birthing ward until real labor set in, instead of these Force related hiccups she currently felt. So they went to bed and tried to get one more night of peaceful rest._

_That plan was seriously interrupted when he woke up to her shrieking with intense pain, her brow drenched in sweat and her heart beating out of her chest._

_He called for an emergency transport before doing all he could for her. Holding her, rocking her, telling her everything was going to be okay. But he knew he couldn’t promise her that. And that terrified him._

_And then the repeated chanting started. “Save him… Bring him home…”_

_“She’s conscious, but not reality-based,” the doctor determined, hustling in the frantic pace of the birthing quarter of the emergency wing._

_Leia laid on the medical table, eyes shut, clearly in another realm as she struggled to maintain the tremors coursing through her._

_“The child shows normal levels,” the attending droid answered._

_Han was beside her, her hand clutched in his as if she was his lifeline. And she was. “What does that mean?” He lifted his darting eyes to search the environment for anyone or anything with answers._

_The practicing physician took in the droid’s information and glanced at his own charts. “It’s like he’s draining her.”_

_Han was lost, so lost. What did that mean? He couldn’t even bring his anger to a hot enough boil to yell at the doctor, as his instincts told him to do when he felt unsteady. He wasn’t sure if the whimpering sounds he heard were coming out of his mouth or out of hers._

_“Mr. Solo…” the doctor tried to get the man’s attention for the third time._

_Han heard him somewhere in the fog of his mind and raised his eyes to stare blankly at him, jaw slack._

_“Does the mother have a family history of difficult childbirths?”_

_Her family history… He couldn’t swallow. “Her mother died… giving birth.” Why hadn’t he connected this before? They should have waited. Had proper medical tests or, kriff, been more careful. He would have never done anything that he thought would put her in danger. They had already gone through so much, surviving the war. This was not supposed to be a battle. Yet here she was, fighting for her life, again. “Oh gods… Leia…” He bent himself over her upturned face, his mouth drifting over every pained wrinkle in a drastic attempt to hold onto her._

_“She’ll have to fight,” he heard the doctor say._

_“Come on, sweetheart,” he whimpered, his own tears mixing with the salty sweat on her forehead. “Come back to me.”_

* * *

She can’t say she was surprised the Falcon ramp was still down, but it added to the potential element of surprise as she walked straight into her old haunts. She would be lying if she said it didn’t look any different. The worn and tired looking ship had weathered many a storm, attacks leveled on its exterior as well as verbal battles in its interior. 

She would be remiss if she didn’t fully acknowledge the wave of security she felt as soon as she walked in. A sense of, finally, returning… home? Yes, home. Coming back to him.

That enraptured feeling helped to guide her next choices. She didn’t call to him or ask to be invited in. Instead she walked down the all too familiar halls into the living space and towards the cockpit. The lights were not all off but certainly dimmed. Not that she needed them, she knew this place like the back of her hand.

Someone had obviously cleaned this space up as the Dejarik board and the leather seats were tidy. Her eyes followed her hands as she gently ran them over the leather at the back of the seat, her mind flooded with memories. 

As she moved towards the front of the ship, she was unsurprised to run into the copilot just coming out of the hall.

“Chewie,” she acknowledged with a lilting voice.

Chewie stopped as soon as he saw her and responded just as pleased to see her again. [Princess.]

Drawing her lips up, she had to let out a chuckle at that address. Some things never change.

“You’ve done a good job with her,” she said gesturing the obvious clean up of the Falcon.

He paused. [Just her?] Chewie asked, forever getting straight to the point and driving her to say what she needed to say.

She sighed slowly. “You’ve done a pretty good job with him, too,” she acquiesced with mock force, trying to keep things light. 

Chewie tilted his head, understanding the message between the lines. 

[I missed you…]

Chewie paused, giving her time to respond.

She wasn’t sure why she was so surprised by his statement or the sentiment behind it, but it made it hard to retort with a comfortable, playful barb. “I missed you too,” she whispered.

He picked up his thought, repeating his last line. [I missed you, but he… he missed you.]

Even she caught the meaningful inflection in the Wookie’s words. Leave it to Chewie to cut her to the core.

Her heart and mind now lead her forward in her quest. “Is he…?” She gestured to the back of the Falcon.

[‘Fresher,] Chewie responded before turning back to the pilot’s chair, leaving her alone to seek him out.

With a quick swallow to set her mind straight again, she found her feet taking her faster than she intended to the back of the ship, only pausing for a moment before entering the captain’s quarters and shutting the door behind her.


	5. Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think in the comments! Do you like where this is going?

_**29 Years Ago- Chandrila** _

_“I hope y’know how loved you are,” Han spoke in the softest, lowest voice he knew how to. His fingers ran through the rich black hair and caressed the ear he was speaking into._

_His sleeping audience did not respond, simply rolled a little in the bed and let out a mew._

_He smiled at the sleeping form and continued his one-sided conversation. “I know I should let ya sleep, but I can’t stop staring.” If it was possible, his grin grew wider. “I wish you’d open those brown eyes of yours. You have your mother’s eyes.”_

_He turned away from his audience to look across the room at the other occupant. His wife was sleeping in the hospital bed, utterly drained and days into a rough recovery, but alive. “You met her before, but we’ll let’er sleep now.”_

_He didn’t quite trust himself yet, but he cautiously lifted the sleeping little scrunched up boy from his bed, wrapping the soft green blanket around his body and supporting the head as the doctor showed him. “Let’s take a walk, kid.” He rested his son’s head in the crook of his elbow, attempting to bounce him gently across the room and to the window. “Look,” he nodded to the crowd of people occupying the ground far below their 5th-floor room. “They’re all out there to see you, kid.” The press had been parked outside ever since getting a tip that the Organa-Solo baby was born, eager to get a picture. “We’ll let them wait a little longer.”_

_“Han,” the voice called from across the room, groggy from her nap. “Time?”_

_Her husband turned from the window to grin at his stretching wife. “Would you look at that. She rises.”_

_She chuckled. “Was I really that out?”_

_“You were. It’s going on late afternoon.”_

_She needed it though. She had been through another war, emerging triumphant yet again. “He should be hungry.”_

_Han looked at the sleeping form cradled in his arms. “Not yet,” he said in a whiney voice. “We’re just gettin’ to know each other. We’ve just been talking about all the people who want to see him.”_

_“Well,” she flinched with lingering pain as she propped herself up with some pillows. “They won’t be seeing him until I’ve had a proper shower.”_

_The little boy’s empty belly started to make itself known and he let out a scrunched up cry._

_“That’s my cue.” She readied herself for his feeding. “Come here my baby, my Ben.”_

_He relinquished his son and watched his wife speak softly to their child, drawing him to her chest, and stroking the back of her hand along his soft skin. She bit her lip with concentration as she hoped he latched on quickly. When he eventually did, she smiled in satisfaction. They were doing this!_

_She knew he was watching, felt his loving gaze caressing her. “Why don’t you join us instead of staring?”_

_He didn’t need to be asked twice. Sliding into the other side of the bed, he raised his arm around his wife. She scooted forward giving him room to settle behind her. When he had the pillows rearranged just so, he pulled her shoulders back onto his chest and wrapped his arms around her, resting his hand on his son’s head._

_“When will the doctor be here?” she asked, never taking her eyes off the bundle in her arms._

_“They said t’night, so I’d guess sometime soon.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “I think everything’s ready to bring him home.”_

_She sighed, home sounded blissful. “Thank you.”_

_“Ya don’t have to thank me,” he assured her. “You’ve done enough for me to be indebted to you for all eternity.” He gestured to the bundle in her arms._

_“Is that so?” She shuffled down further into his embrace, resting her head back against his shoulder. “In that case,” she switched her voice to a demanding deep timbre while gesturing the disheveled plait lining the back of her head._

_He grinned, raising his hands to begin freeing her strands and give her some of his special ministrations.“Yes, your worship.”_

* * *

Was the Falcon’s main bunk area clean? Yes. Someone, probably Chewie, had definitely scrubbed it down between owners. Was it tidy? No, definitely not. It looked like a hurricane came whipping through, or it looked like it had more times than she could count when they had a knockdown drag-out fight. 

There were clothes strewn everywhere: on the seating, on the floor, on the bed, and even dangling off the walls. The last owner had obviously not gutted the place as a few of their things were still there and had obviously survived the transfers, hidden in the back of drawers. Only now it appeared Han had gone mad flinging things around. Not only his clothes but when she looked closer, there were some of her clothes as well. What on earth was he up to… but then she knew.

She saw it in the center of the little table near the bed. A box he had obviously forgotten where they put, which sent him to practically bulldoze the place before he actually found it. She swallowed. She thought this was lost forever. Without thinking, she found herself drawn towards it, towards the ever-complicated past.

And so there she sat on the corner of the bed, only half cognizant of the ‘fresher water still running. She carefully unhooked the clasp on the top and popped the lid back without hesitation to reveal… hope.

Her son’s first booties, his favorite teething ring, the green blanket they brought him home from the birthing clinic in, a few toys they couldn’t bare to part with, his beloved stuffed Ewok toy with more hair missing than was currently on his well-loved body. There were a few holo chips along the side, one of them was surely Han’s copy of Ben’s sonogram image. 

Towards the bottom of the box sat a blue patterned scarf, one of her old scarves she hadn’t seen in years. As she picked it up, she realized it was tied around something, another stray holo. She immediately connected the blue calico scarf with the holo and knew exactly what was on it. All these years, she never knew what happened to that image. Of course he kept it.

She shifted back to the happier memories in the box. Gently, her fingers all but trembling, she brushed the little Ewok with her fingertips and pulled it out. The one eye was looser than the other. She could still see the green thread Han used when he haphazardly but successfully sewed it back on. 

She had thought about these memorabilia too often to count. Of course he had as well. She was now even more grateful that he had the Falcon back. These were the manifestations of Ben, their Ben. They proved the hope she felt.

As she was returning the Ewok to the case, she heard the stream of water shut off. She didn’t want to get into a discussion on Ben with him right now, so she closed the case and perched herself on the edge of the bed to wait.


	6. The Fear of Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We are starting to get more into the action of the present day, as well as some flashbacks of the young family of three.
> 
> I hope you continue to enjoy! I really appreciate any comments you have!

_**25 Years Ago- Somewhere in Space**_

_On the day Ben turned 4, they were in celebration mode. The day began when they woke up on the Falcon, with Ben bolting into his parent's room in the captain’s bunk already dressed, and screaming loud enough to shake the galaxy. Han and Leia had no choice but to get up and begin their day, but not before wishing their boy a proper happy birthday and making sure his shoes were on the right feet._

_Han made Ben his favorite for breakfast; Corellian pancakes with sticky syrup and sweet milk._

_“Four years old!” Han said with surprise. “Why it was just yesterday you were three!”_

_Ben giggled, his dark eyes glistening._

_“You’re right, honey,” Leia continued from her seat beside her son. “I distinctly remember that three does come before four.”_

_Ben was thrilled by his parents' fuss and attention._

_“Sweetheart,” Han looked over to her as he finished the last of his breakfast. “You don’t think Ben wants his gifts now, do you?”_

_Ben, expectedly, jumped up upon hearing presents. “Yes! Pe-sents!” He yelled jumping over to his mother’s lap._

_She caught him with a flourish and dipped his head backward. “Slow down here, my little Ewok.” She grinned at his excitement. “Okay Han, but start with Uncle Luke’s present.”_

_“I got pe-sent from Uncle Luke!” Ben exclaimed. Uncle Luke was like an apparition, never present for long but mysteriously ominous, which made a gift from him all the more exciting._

_Han wiped some syrup from his mouth on the back of his sleeve before retreating from the table. “I’ll be back,” he said, heightening his son’s excitement._

_“Let’s clean you up while Daddy finds Uncle Luke’s gift, little monster.” She tickled his sides before tilting him on her hip and walking him to the Falcon’s kitchen sink to wash his hands. And his face. And his arms._

_By the time he wiggled down from his mother's arms, his father was back with something behind his back._

_“PE-SENT!” Ben exclaimed as he charged in, clutching his beloved Ewok in his arm._

_Leia followed him with similar vigor. “Come on, sit down and we’ll see what he gave you.”_

_Ben flew to the Dejarik booth and quickly moved to his knees. Leia flopped herself behind him on the couch and rubbed her jumping bean’s back._

_“Are you ready?” Han asked, his own face lighting up as much as his son’s._

_Ben jumped squealing and nodded his head._

_Han turned to his wife. “Leia, I don’t think he’s ready,” he goaded his son, having too much fun himself._

_“I’s is ready!” Ben squealed again, leaning forward onto the table._

_Han took the hint this time. “Okay, here you go.” He placed the long narrow box onto the table in front of the birthday boy. “It’s your very own box!”_

_Leia chuckled at his remark as Ben ignored it and went for his gift._

_Ben tore into the colorful box and struggled to open it. “A help, pease,” he asked taking Leia’s hand in his and moving it to the box._

_Leia took the end of the box and opened the flap while Han sat across from them on the bench._

_Ben reached into the box to pull out a miniature sized lightsaber toy, painted an ice blue on top with a gray textured, handle._

_Leia swallowed, “Luke…” If he was in the room, he would have cowered at her tone. She looked over her son’s head at her husband’s tight face._

_“Saber!” Ben exclaimed, oblivious to the tension now in the room. “Like Mommy’s.”_

_‘Like Mommy’s,’ Han gritted his teeth as he mouthed the words directly at her. He was obviously not happy_

_Leia pressed her lips together glaring at him. “Don’t put this on me.”_

_Ben, who had never actually witnessed someone use a lightsaber, flicked his wrist with it trying to figure out how it worked._

_“Ben, honey.” Leia stepped in to take the toy from him. “I think this is an outside toy. I don’t want anything broken in the house or in the Falcon.”_

_She removed it, but not without consequences. Ben reached for his new toy that was now just out of his grasp. And that brought out a wail from the birthday boy._

_“Hold on, kid,” Han soothed, pulling his wiggling son onto his lap, making sure he had the Ewok toy to calm him. “Shhh, settle down now and Mommy and I will give you your gift.”_

_Ben tried even more fervently to remove himself from his father’s arms._

_Han held on tighter. “Hold on, Ben. Don’t ya wanna know where we’re flyin’ to? It’s someplace special.”_

_That got Ben to quiet down by the time Leia returned, saber free._

_“Alright, you ready?” He asked his son._

_Ben wiped his face and nodded._

_He spoke slowly, building up for the reveal. “How would you like… to go to the Corellian beach today?”_

_He didn’t immediately react, so Leia stepped in to up the excitement._

_“We get to spend the whole day on the beach and play in the water and build things in the sand…”_

_Ben had never been to the beach before, that he could remember, but Mommy and Daddy were excited, and that was enough to get him excited. “Yes!” Ben nodded._

_By the time they landed Ben was more than ready to get off the Falcon and continue on this adventure. They reached the sandy shore and had a beautiful view of the Corellian dunes and water. Ben kept a hold of his Daddy’s hand as his feet sank into the sand. "Is hot!" The sand was burning the bottom of his feet and he quickly reached up his hands with a whine to be picked up. Han quickly kicked off his shoes before bundling his son in his arms and set him down at the water’s edge._

_Ben didn’t hesitate before running in. The water was cool and soothing on his soles and ankles. He wiggled his body until his feet sunk deeper into the sand. A wave crept up quickly. Ben let out a short screech and ran towards the safe land. He watched the wave shrink as it neared him and giggled at his immediate fright._

_Han came up beside his son and began to point out different things about the dunes._

_Ben couldn't hear him because he was focused on the way the wind blew his hair and shirt about. As far out as his eyes could see, there was only water. He wondered what it would be like to swim way far out. Or to dive under and transform into a sea creature. He took another look at the angry waves and thought better about trying. “When I’m big,” he began, pointing to the water. “Is’is gonna swim with the sea creatures.”_

_Han stood and took his little boy’s hand in his own. “You bet you are, kid.” Han could sense he was hesitant about the water. “Wanna make a spaceship in the sand?”_

_That turned Ben’s attention as he ran back to the shore and bent down for a fist full of the substance. “I wanna make a lightsaber!” He declared, just as Leia moved to join them._

_Han’s lips pressed tightly as his eyebrows turned down. He wasn’t mad at the kid, well not his kid. He was mad at Luke._

_"Come here, Ben!" Leia stretched her arms and they were quickly filled with a very sandy little man. She caught Han’s frustrated eye as she redirected their son. “Let’s get our swimming trunks on so we can splash in the water._

_Sufficiently redirected, Leia took him back to their corner of the beach and helped him out of his shirt and pants and into his new spaceship patterned water shorts. Han had a blast picking them out._

_“Now you’re ready, kid!” Han exclaimed, his arms wide and soon full of a tiny four-year-old._

_Han had Ben rolled up in his arms as he tickled his belly. Ben erupted with laughter. Han, taking just as much joy from this day as his son, placed Ben on his feet at the edge of the ocean. Ben jumped back away from the small wave lapping at his toes._

_Han took a few steps in and reached his hand out._

_"Come on, Ben! I dare ya!" His Daddy winked at him as he urged him forward._

_Ben shook his head and took a step backward._

_"Look, baby," his Mommy said, now standing on his other side. “It’s not scary. Daddy will be with you.”_

_Ben still looked skeptical._

_Han stepped over to Ben. "Here, kid. You can hold my hand." He held out his right hand and gave a reassuring smile._

_His smile gave his son’s confidence a boost and he took the hand tightly in his own. He stood tall and they took a few tentative steps together. Ben flinched a bit as he saw a big wave coming towards them, but he saw how small it looked once it lapped up his feet._   
_Han gave him time to adjust to the water. “You wanna keep goin’?”_

_Ben nodded, feeling more comfortable, his eyes lighting up._

_Leia stepped out to reach the rest of her family and took Ben’s other hand. ”I'm afraid we will be taking back at least a bucket load of sand.” She tried to brush off Ben’s sandy bottoms. “He’s a sand magnet." She looked at Han on the other side of Ben. "And you have it in your hair and on your clothes.” Leia smiled through her grievances._

_“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” he mocked her mock concern. “Would it help if I took my shirt off”_

_She pursed her lips, thinking. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt…”_

_He thought she had an angle. He briefly slipped his hand from Ben’s to a fearful whine. “Hold Mommy’s hand for a sec, buddy.”_

_But Ben would not stop until Han’s hand was safely back in his own._

_“It’s okay, Ben,” Leia knelt down to talk to him. “You don’t need to be afraid.”_

_Ben wasn’t looking at her though. His eyes were focused on the giant wave coming towards him. He watched it as it grew and grew and suddenly broke into a raging crest, rough and angry… and coming right at him… coming for him. He felt it wash over him, pull him under, rip him from his parents’ arms and swallow him into the depths._

_“AAAAHHHHH!” He finally heard himself shriek._

_Leia had him in her arms as soon as the scream started. “Ben, honey…” He continued to scream. “Shhh, baby…”_

_Han came around her side and stared at his boy with wide eyes. “What it is?”_

_“I don’t know,” Leia retorted angrily and fearful. She tried again. “Ben… Mommy’s here.”_

_His screams eventually turned to tears as he buried his head in his Mommy’s shoulder, gripping her clothing as tight as he could._

_Han rubbed firm, soothing strokes up and down his son’s back and gave him a moment before asking again. “Ben, what’s wrong?”_

_Ben’s sob rang clear. “The water wants to eat me.”_

_The water barely lapped their ankles._

* * *

He emerged from the ‘fresher quickly after the water went off with a swiftness she didn’t expect. He practically bolted out of the door and set to grab something, probably his clothes, but he froze when he saw he was not alone. His eyes surveyed the situation and then grew with obvious delight.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” he swaggered, not quite succeeding in covering up for his surprise at her presence.

She couldn’t help but smile back a suppressed giggle at him. “Honey,” she crooned back, her head tilting to the side, eyes raking down his still slick skin, aged but still beautiful in her eyes. The only fabric covering him was a blue, ratty towel only loosely wrapped around his waist.

She was suddenly aware of his wet hair clinging to the side of his face. Water droplets streamed over his face and collected at the tip of his nose and chin only to fall to the floor a moment later. 

He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. If this was not the power of the force, he didn’t know what the hell the force was. Her mouth parted slightly and he watched her tongue peek through her mouth to wet her lips. His breath came in quick labored gasps and he felt a surge of adrenaline shoot from his core to every nerve in his body.

He was mesmerized, by her. She looked exactly the same as when he saw her earlier, but it was different now. “It feels like I’m stepping back in time.” His said. “First I get the Falcon back,” he then gestured to her. “And now… you’re here.” The sadness of their separation and the current longing in his voice was not lost on her.

Her words were failing her. For once in her life she couldn’t think of something to say, so she stayed silent, continued to take him in.

It was too much. He couldn’t not move. As he stepped forward, words came out. “I was coming to find you…”

She shrugged her shoulder, never taking her eyes off him. “Found me,” she whispered.

His steady steps drew him to her, to stand right in front of her, her knees pressing into his shins. He immediately lifted his hands, the backs of his fingers running down her cheeks and traveling to cup her face, exquisitely aged with time and heartbreak.

He found his breath shaking as he cautiously bent at his waist. Slowly, only comfortable to take this so far on his own. His lips stopped north of where they ideally wanted to land, instead finding pleasure in the touch of her forehead.

“Oh Leia,” he sighed into her skin, his lips lingering long after his kiss stopped. His unspoken question clear. What happened to us?

It was her turn to respond. With him bent over, her arms naturally snaked around his neck, hands crossing across his nape, fingers and nails strategically stroking the bare skin. She shifted her weight forward, back onto her feet as she stood, pushing him up with her.

He felt her embrace and almost died right there. As she stood, his arms fell to encircle her waist and met against the small of her back.

She dropped her head back, staring up at him with longing in her eyes. She felt as if her feet were lifted on a cloud and gave her the push she needed to fall into him, her body against his, and press their lips together easily finding each other.

Her mouth poured out the feeling her heart was trying to convey. I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you.

He felt a long lost swirl in his chest as soon as her lips touched his. So gentle, but drawing him into her with the immense power he knew she had over him. Would always have over him.

“Ow!” He broke off as something jabbed him in the stomach. She looked at him, slightly dazed. “General, your clothes hurt.”

She realized her metal belt must have clipped him right in a sensitive area. With a slight chuckle she slipped out of his arms, her hand deliberately trailing down his chest as she walked away to pick up some clothes.

With her out of his grasp, he took up her previous position and sat on the edge of the bed. He watched her survey the room. “It looks like whoever got’er didn’t even bother to clean her up. Some of the back drawers still had stuff layin’ about.”

“I can see that.” She looked around for something decent to wear. In her haste she didn’t think to bring any of her own sleeping wear from her bunk. 

He watched her walk around the room. Couldn’t take his eyes off of her, if he was more accurate. Her fingers slipped over a pile of clothes he has previously dumped on a seat. He watched her face scrunch up as she picked up a particularly out of date orange sweater she used to wear. He had to smile at the memories he had of her wearing that sweater. 

She seemed to contemplate a few options but didn’t settle on anything. He soon realized what she was looking for.

“Han,” she asked without thinking. “Where’s your…”

She didn’t need to finish the sentence before he placed his hands on his knees and stood to his full height, now searching the strands of fabric himself.

“Over here,” he called from a corner drawer when he found what he knew she wanted. He held out a pair of his sweats and a long sleeve button up. “Can’t guarantee what they smell like.”

He tossed them across to her and she easily caught them, bringing them immediately to her nose. “Still smell like the Falcon. Which means they still smell like you.”

He smirked, shrugging his shoulders as his hands went to his hips. “I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.”

“Well,” she said making up her mind for him. “One way or another it always helps me sleep.”

He couldn’t help the grin that came over his face as she walked into the ‘fresher to change. But as she turned, he had an appeal to make.

“Leia,” he called suddenly sounding desperate and slightly timid.

She turned.

He brushed his hand over his chin, contemplating and then speaking. “Leave… your hair up… please.”

It wasn’t what she expected to hear, but she was not surprised. “Well if we’re making requests…” she smirked, drawing out her next words as she stepped back, closer to him. “Leave… your shirt… off… please.”

With his mouth suddenly dry, he could only offer her his signature side smirk as he watched her turn back to the ‘fresher.


	7. Pretty Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and comments are appreciated!

_**24 Years Ago- Chandrila** _

_“Shhhhh… shh.” Her finger touched her lips, or his lips as they were close enough to not have a distinction. They stood completely still._

_They had just parked their speeder in the attached garage but halted as another vehicle shined its bright lights on the pair standing at the side door as it pulled away. As it turned further, so did the light, leaving the pair in almost complete darkness. Only the echoing sound left in its wake. The apartment complex lights were flickering, clearly needing a bulb replacement, but it provided enough light for them._

_“Can I talk now…” Han whispered through closed lips._

_Apparently, she found his voice extremely amusing because she barely contained a full out laugh with a few hiccups breaking through. “No…” she whispered again, her mouth crashing into his making it impossible for his lips to do anything other than kiss._

_He took her in his arms, possessively and forcefully. Paws grabbing her body as they worked their way under her coat, touching her anywhere they could._

_Her fingers dug into his shoulders pulling herself over him so dramatically, she was practically climbing on him and it forced him to stumble backward. He almost tipped over if not for the wall behind him. She almost fell again as her momentum carried her sideways, but his arms held her up by the waist at the last minute._

_He couldn’t breathe the way she was attacking him. Tilting his head up, she continued her war on his neck. “Gods, we’re drunk…” he half lamented half laughed._

_She broke away to grin at him, eyes half-closed and breath heavy with lingering wine. “I feel fine, honey.” Her chin tilted up and she puckered, waiting for him to give her what she wanted. She didn’t wait long._

_Their make-out session could have continued indefinitely except for her hips grinding into his. He let out a high pitched groan, the likes of which he had never produced before. “Sweetheart, we need to get inside.” He immediately reached out for the door panel only for his hand to be caught by hers._

_“Aw, don’t leave yet…” She pressed her lips together and widened her eyes, looking at the side door that led to the rooftop garden. “Look over there, Han.”_

_He looked to where she nodded._

_“We could fulfill another one of your fantasies right now… Hum…” Her mischievous intentions all too clear._

_“Oh gods…” She was really testing him tonight. “I never thought I’d turn you down, but I need to be awake and fully conscious whenever that one comes to fruition.”_

_She pouted momentarily before diving into his mouth once again._

_His body was telling him that they needed to be in their apartment, up the stairs, and shut into their room, door locked, so he broke away. “Get inside.”_

_She let him go and followed him to the door panel. “Hold on!” she said in a voice much louder than necessary. “You’re jacket isn’t straight.” She turned him to her and tried to straighten it when her eyes themselves weren’t seeing straight._

_He let her try and work at it while he licked his thumb. “You’re lipstick is smudged.” He tried to clean up the red smear that was artistically spread almost all the way to her chin._

_“So is yours,” she added, wiping her palm over his pink-tinted lips absolutely covered in her lipstick._

_Once both of their hazy eyes were satisfied, he opened the door for them. “Let’s just hope Chewie isn’t still awake,” he went back to whispering as they walked into the lit foyer._

_They were greeted with silence, letting them know that all was well and all were sleeping._

_“Thank gods,” Leia sighed, taking off her coat and laying her bag on the front table._

_Han’s jacket soon joined hers. “Now,” he said, turning back to her with the look of a predator in the glint of his eyes. “Where were we…”_

_They returned to each other, completely immersed in the other, focusing only on touch. They wobbled up the stairs, each walking sideways and never breaking from the other. They had a lot of practice with this, but never in quite such a drunken state. Fortunately, they made it to the top, though much slower than usual._

_“Someone… should check on… Ben,” she breathed, between kisses._

_He agreed. “I’ll do it.” With one more burning kiss, he pulled away, their hands still connected, her left fourth finger donning her most cherished wedding band._

_“I’ll be in there, roomie,” she whispered nodding towards the master bedroom._

_His mouth was suddenly dry. “Don’t you dare take anything off.” He almost sprinted to Ben’s door before turning around and pointing at her. “And keep your hair up.” He watched her bite her lip. “That’s my job.”_

_She shuddered as their fingers separated and turned to her door, closing it gently behind her. He finished his walk down the hall to their son’s room, careful not to make a noise outside the guest room where Chewie was hopefully sleeping._

_He opened Ben’s door, the front of it covered in pictures of spaceships and pilot fighters._

_The first thing he noticed was the sound recording playing soothing lullabies on a never-ending loop. It annoyed the heck out of Han, but it helped with the nightmares. Luke suggested listening to soothing sounds at nighttime to help keep away the seriously disturbing dreams that plagued his sweet boy. It took them a few trials before they found the few tracks that didn’t escalate the problem. Ocean sounds, for example, only gave him more nightmares. But their current track seemed to be working well. At least it did tonight._

_The night light kept everything in shadow, but he could make out the bed in the corner and the lump under the covers where his son laid. He could just make out the rise and fall of his chest in the dark and the mop of rich black hair covering the pillow._

_Han smiled._

_“Daddy?” The voice popped up from his slumber and sat up in his bed._

_“Shh,” Han shushed walking into the room. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”_

_“I’m awake now,” his sweet whispering voice sent a spread of warmth through Han’s heart._

_“I know you’re awake, kid,” he chuckled. “But it’s time for you to be asleep.” Han sat on the edge of the bed. His hands moved to both of the 5-year-old’s arms and helped him lay back in the bed._

_“Can you tell me a story?” Ben asked, his eyes looking up to his father oh so hopeful._

_He reluctantly shook his head and scratched his chin. “I don’t know, buddy. It’s late…”_

_“Please!” Ben begged through his smiling eyes. He knew his father couldn’t say no to his begging face._

_“Alright,” Han quickly relented. “But only if you promise to go right to sleep after.”_

_Ben nodded vigorously, sitting back up in bed, making room for his Daddy to join him. He made sure his stuffed Ewok, whose eye was seriously hanging by a thread, was tucked under the covers with him._

_Han turned his body the other way, laying down beside his son, one of his legs hanging off the bed._

_Ben picked up his father’s arm and snuggled himself under the embrace._

_Han rested his hand on Ben’s leg and began his story, full of dramatic voices that were even more dramatic from the alcohol he consumed earlier. He had Ben hanging on his every word until the little man’s eyes couldn’t take anymore and they shut in a deep sleep._

_Unfortunately, the little man’s eyes shut after the big man’s eyes shut. And that is where Leia found them both 20 minutes later, still donning her elaborate dress and hair-do._

_Grinning through her slight disappointment and her heart swelling with love even though other body parts were left unattended, she moved back to their bedroom content with spending the night alone. But she wasn’t really alone._

* * *

While she was busy in the Falcon’s ‘fresher, he figured he should at least put on some pants, so he went for the same pile where he found hers. 

With his bottom half covered, he had nothing left to do but settle in bed and wait for her to finish. 

He didn’t have to wait long. She emerged with his button-up flowing to her mid-thighs and his pants rolled at both ends to allow her to walk. But she looked like his Leia, again. Her hair was still contained in twists and pins.

His wide grin upon seeing her cued her that a comment was about to come, so she beat him to it.

“I look old, Han,” she acquiesced, not sugar-coating what age did to a person. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.” Her sharp bite dared him to argue it.

He took the bait. “Sweetheart,” he crooned in his most genuine, lilting voice. “You are and will always be my beautiful… strong… feisty Princess.” He held his hand out from his recumbent position on the bed, beaconing her in. “My Leia.”

She didn’t want to argue with him. Not that she couldn’t, but that she didn’t want to, not now. Instead, she found herself drawn into his outstretched arm, surrendering her hand while taking note that his chest was still bare. 

With his eyes fully focused on hers, he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles before curling it under his chin to rest against his sternum. 

“You wanna talk about why this place looks like you and I just had a pissing match?” Her eyebrows rose in a knowing gleam.

He sat up on the bed, as ready as he would ever be to talk about this. “I was lookin’ for…” He pointed to the box. “Ben’s…”

She sat beside him, wanting to relive these memories with him. She pulled out the Ewok. “Remember when Luke gave this to us?”

He nodded, his hand brushing through his gray, shaggy hair. “I remember. Shame that kid played it to its death.”

She sighed, her voice lilting. “It took multiple surgeries to keep him alive.”

Han smirked and covered his mouth with his hand before announcing, “Paging Dr. Solo, we have an eyeless Ewok in room 11. Please bring thread and Mommy Organa to console the Ewok’s devastated family.”

She outright laughed at his sharp recall. “Things were critical there for a while.” She placed the toy back in the box. “You see,” she tilted her head to rest on his shoulder. “Some of it was pretty good.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, stroking her upper arm. “Yea,” he acquiesced. “Pretty good.”


	8. Tactful Ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Enjoy!

_**24 Years Ago- Chandrila (continued from the previous flashback)** _

_Han climbed into bed in the wee hours of the morning, throwing his clothes wherever and sliding into the bed in only his underwear. His eyes closed, he reached blindly for his new sleeping companion and pulled himself to lay behind her, arms wrapped over her waist and snaking under her pillow, holding her tight._

_She stirred and immediately recognized his touch. “You finally ready to undress me?” she teased, her voice groggy._

_He exhaled. “Sorry, Sweetheart.” He kissed the back of her head in apology, her hair tragically already down._

_She sighed in mock defeat. “I guess I can’t keep you all to myself.” She swallowed, a sour taste in her mouth._

_“You have me, baby,” he assured her._

_She felt her stomach turn and the sour taste was back. “Oh, gods… Let me up!”_

_He was now fully awake and watched her dart to the ‘fresher. “Leia…”_

_He quickly followed her to see a scene he had walked in on 5 years ago. Her head in the toilet and puking her guts out._

_“It’s okay, Sweetheart,” he calmly refrained, reaching quickly for a tie in her hair drawer. He moved behind her and folded all her hair into his hands before securing it with the tie. With her hair out of the way, he sat beside her._

_She stilled momentarily, waiting for the next round of bile to rise in her throat. Of course, it came._

_He rubbed his hand over her back and down to her waist content to sit with her until her stomach was empty._

_Eventually that time came. He knelt at the sink to fill a cup of water and sank back down to hand it to her. “Here you go, Sweetheart.”_

_She drank the water, swirling it in her mouth and spitting it back out. When she caught her breath, she leaned into his shoulder, her words a mumble against his chest. “I’m never drinking ever again.”_

_He wrapped her in his arms. “It was a diplomatic dinner. And you, Princess, stole the show.”_

_She groaned again._

_He thought back. “You didn’t have that much to drink, nothin’ more than the usual, ‘just enough to get through the dinner’ drunk.”_

_She brought her head up. “Well obviously I had a little more than that. Gods! I can’t remember the last time I got sick over wine…”_

_She may have continued talking, but his mind shot to one track and it was stuck. “Leia…”_

_“Hum?”_

_His eyes shot down to hers. He didn’t want to vocalize it, didn’t want to say the thing he hoped for yet dreaded with all his being. “Do you think you could be pregnant?”_

_Her eyebrows crossed and her mouth smacked, head down sadly and shaking no. “I think it was just the alcohol…”_

_“But it could be,” he reasoned, practically. Did they want another child? Yes, more than anything. Did he want her to be pregnant and have to birth another child? No, never. She might not be as lucky this time._

_“Honey,” she kept his gaze on her. “I really don’t think so. I would feel it.” Force sensitivities and all. “And I don’t feel it.”_

_He pressed his lips together and swallowed, his own eyes going down to the floor. “I know Leia…”_

_She cut him off. “Han, don’t… We are beyond happy with our family of three. I don’t need another child.”_

_“But you would want one…” he didn’t ask, just stated a truth they both knew but didn’t acknowledge. “I do too.” Never acknowledged. “But I couldn’t live… if anything happened to you.”_

_She couldn’t keep track of how many times she heard that from him either. “I know, Han. I know.”_

* * *

“Hungry?” He asked, shifting his arm down hers before he stood to grab something from the Falcon kitchen.

She nodded, quickly closing Ben’s box before following him. “Not really, but I could be enticed. What do you have.” 

Han gestured for her to move through the Falcon and towards the kitchen. “I have whatever your recruits decided to fill my conservator with.”

She rolled her eyes and propped herself against one of the counters. “Well in that case, no thanks.”

“What!” He exclaimed as he searched through the contents and contemplated their options. “You mean your Worshipfulness hasn’t been able to smuggle any good food for the crew?”

She gritted her teeth. “As it so happens, everyone is fine with their options, thank you.”

He let out a resounding “Ha!” As he smelled a container, scrunched his nose at the contents, and continued searching.

She crossed her arms. “I will also remind you that we are doing our best to maintain a clean reputation, so stealing exotic food is not in our best interest.”

He finally settled on a dish that didn’t look too disgusting and turned to meet her on the other side of the counter. “Okay then, negotiate.”

She scrunched her lips to one side of her face as she took him in.

“Use your skills from dealing with blockheads in the Senate to get what you want.” He scooped a part of the goo someone might call food into his mouth. “It always worked before.”

She quirked her eyebrow. "You must think a lot of my,” she hesitated, thinking of the right word. “Tactful ways."

"Course I do." He began to laugh. "I've been on the other end of those ‘tactful ways' more than once.” He used a finger to point at her in emphasis. “And I always came out the loser." 

She rolled her eyes. ”Oh come on. You’re easy to handle.”

“Easy to handle?” He looked shocked and turned around to make sure she was actually addressing him. “Me?”

She nodded as if it was completely obvious. “Yes… you…”

He was about to launch a full-scale retort when she cut in again.

“Although,” she let her eyes drift down to the counter before looking at him from beneath hooded eyelids. “I have different methods at my disposal when dealing with you."

He huffed, torn by wanting to maintain his pride and with wanting to see what she meant. ”Prove it." He challenged, halting and dropping his snack to free his hands. 

She nodded her head, accepting the challenge. She began by pushing herself away from the counter and stepping around to meet him. She stopped when they were squared off only a body’s width away from each other. She continued to pause letting him contemplate what she would do next. After looking him up and down under her dark eyelashes, she placed her hands on his lower stomach just above his waistline. Hands instantly warmed by his flesh. She trailed just her fingertips over his hips and around his back, lightly scratching with her nails. She played with the edge of his pants but refused to move any fabric. During this exchange, her eyes stayed focused on her ministrations, not once looking into his darkening eyes.

She then let her fingers tiptoe up his bare chest, lingering on specific parts she knew drove him crazy. As she made it to his shoulders, she squeezed his tense muscles. 

He let out an involuntary moan at this impromptu massage. 

When she felt his muscles relax, she moved to the back of his neck and swirled a single fingernail through his nape. She let her cool breath caress his chest, giving him chills as goosebumps trailed down his arms. Then, without warning, she pressed her full body to his, chest to chest, straddling his thigh. Her fingers raked through his hair, his dark eyes memorized by hers. She lifted her body against his on an inhale and slid against him on her vocal exhale. He tensed, feeling the inescapable reaction he had to her provocation.

Her hands traveled to his cheeks and she forced his lips to draw tantalizingly close to hers, inhaling heavily. At the last minute, she turned his head so her lips landed on his cheek, missing his desired target completely. 

She ended her kiss as quickly as it started, separated herself from him, and turned back to his snack. “I think I am hungry now," She said with a definite lilt in her voice. 

"Like hell you are." He grasped her arm before she got too far away and yanked her back into his space. With one hand around her back and the other under her chin, he placed her lips exactly where he wanted them.


	9. All Three of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! This is a pretty short filler chapter that sets up the next one. Enjoy!

_**24 Years Ago- Chandrila** _

_Han was fixing up his signature scrambled eggs in two separate pans, one pan was regular the other mixed with hot peppers, chives, and a myriad of Leia’s favorite fixings._

_Cooked to perfection, he was about to call up to his family. But his family called first._

_Leia carried 5-year-old Ben from his room and set him on the ground in the upper hallway._

_“You know what to do?” she asked her son, her head down by his in a plotting manner._

_He nodded wildly, excited to be in on the secret._

_“Alright,” she grinned wider than she had in years. “Go on!”_

_“Daddy!” Ben yelled down the steps, still clad in his spaceship pajamas._

_Leia had to practically canter to keep up with him._

_“Daddy!” Ben flew into the kitchen and ran to his father’s leg._

_Han was still turning the eggs on the stove. “Whooo…Slow down there,” he drawled. “You’ll get your eggs and toast.”_

_“Daddy,” Ben said again, pulling on the older man’s pant leg. “I knows a secret!”_

_“Do you,” Han half listened._

_“Turn off the eggs, Han,” Leia said from the kitchen entrance._

_He turned to her quickly before doing just what she said. “Why?”_

_“Listen to your son,” she gave her next order, worrying her lip as she waited for his reaction._

_Han was curious now. He leaned down to Ben, taking the boy’s tiny hand in his. “What’s the secret?”_

_Ben spoke clearly and proudly. “There’s a stork in Mommy’s belly!”_

_Leia let out a low chuckle as she stepped forward to correct her son. “Ben, not a stork! What did I tell you was in Mommy’s belly?”_

_Ben looked over at her and thought again. “A baby.”_

_Leia nodded, a suppressed smile held between her lips._

_Ben turned back to the shocked man in front of him. “There’s a baby in Mommy’s belly!”_

_Han’s jaw dropped, his eyes shifting between Leia’s and Ben’s. The former’s reaction was hesitant, extremely hesitant. They would gladly welcome a new child into their family, but they both had good reason to feel uneasy about this news._

_“Really, Leia?” he asked for reassurance._

_She nodded again. “I checked three times with a medical test. Force be damned.”_

_He didn’t need any more confirmation before he rose to his feet and ran to lift her in his arms. She should be happy, he thought. She deserved to be happy about this._

_“It’ll be okay,” she said reassuring herself as well as him. “This is happy news!”_

_He nodded quickly, making a decision to see the joy and potential. He pulled her tighter. “We’re havin’ another baby!”_

_She pulled back from him to finally let him see the elation on her face. “We’re having another baby!”_

_Han turned back to Ben, his eyes shining bright. “We’re havin’ a baby, kid!”_

_Ben’s little feet danced over to his Daddy, his arms reaching up and Han scooped him into his embrace._

_“You’re gonna be a big brother! You’ll have a little brother or sister to play with!”_

_“What do you think about that, Bubba?” Leia asked, taking her hand up and down Ben’s side._

_“Good!” Ben said lifting his arms above his head in triumph._

_That sent both parents laughing._

_Han settled Ben in one arm and moved the other around Leia’s waist, pulling her close and letting his head rest against hers. “I love you so much, both of you.”_

_Leia turned her head, her lips meeting his for a quick kiss. “I think you mean all three of us.” She helped his hand to snake around her waist and settle on her stomach where the third life was just beginning._

_They made eye contact, eyes drinking in the love of each other. “Of course,” he choked out, not quite able to believe it. “All three of you.”_

* * *

After watching her seduce him and breaking from their heated kiss, he decided he wasn’t that hungry anymore. For food, anyway. 

She saw the new lustful hunger in his eyes and played it to her advantage. “Bed. Now,” She ordered.

He sported a crooked grin before complying. “Yes, General.”

With a military flourish, he marched while she playfully pushed him back to their quarters. When the bunk was within reach, he toppled in as gracefully as a man could for his age, and spread out in a comfortable recumbent position.

She stood, curving her fingers, scratching the soft skin of his chest gently with her nails. “Are you gonna move over?” She asked gesturing the inner part of the bed that was unoccupied.

“Uh uh,” he said, his lips grinning like a Cheshire Cat. 

Her eyes widened, she missed this banter. “What, so I’m supposed to climb over you?”

He raised his eyebrows in challenge as he folded both his arms to rest above his head. He waited for her next move. 

She pursed her lips and shifted her weight to her other leg. “Okay Hotshot,” she accepted his challenge easily.

Her body moved slowly, but confidently as she lifted her knee to the side of the bed, directly beside his right hip. Her hands went to his chest, caressing briefly before adding some weight to steady herself as her other knee whipped around to his other side, straddling him completely. 

“You know,” she whispered huskily, her eyes watching her hands as they traveled from his chest, up his shoulders, arms and finally locking with his hands, their fingers easily entwining. “I have gotten used to sleeping on the right side of the bed.”

He felt his chest expand and contract with at least four deep breaths since she first began her ministrations. “Hun, uh. The right side is my side.”

She finally brought her eyes to his and raised her brows. “I’m sure… we’ll figure something out,” she stuttered as she slowly dropped her forehead to meet his just as her legs stretched on top of his and the rest of her body rolled down onto him. As she settled, an unconscious gasp emerged from the back of her throat. 

He was completely enraptured, enamored, under her spell, cognizant of each move she made, each breath she took, every sound she allowed past her tantalizing lips. With a deep moan of his own, he turned them to the side.

On their sides facing each other, he let his hand drift to her hip as the other one curved to stroke her hairline. She took this opportunity to let her fingers dance across his chest, further exploring and reacquainting herself. They were content with the comfortable silence.

After a time, he sat up, spreading his legs as he leaned against the top of the bunk. He patted the new space between his legs. She pulled herself up and maneuvered into his requested position, her back to him.

He began by gripping her shoulders and pulling her back to rest against his chest. This position made it more difficult for him to fully see the work that needed to be done on her hair, but the feeling of her against him was worth the challenge. His lips found the back of her head for a lingering kiss before he raised his hands to begin to work, carefully removing each pin from her expertly twisted facade.


	10. Fingers Through Her Hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much enjoy this chapter and hope you do too! Many thanks to all who left me a note!

_**24 Years Ago- Chandrila** _

_“I don’t see why we can’t push farther with my statement against the child work camps on Nouane.” She pressed with the signature edge to her voice that came when people didn’t give her the answers she wanted to hear._

_Her top adviser once again made his argument clear._

_“Senator, foreign officials suggest not pushing this topic too far.” He sat back, sounding more like a droid each time he repeated the line. “It’s a part of their culture they still fervently hold onto.”_

_She sighed heavily, feeling the exhaustion of the fight slowly draining her and absentmindedly played with her scarf tied around her neck. “Let’s take a break and get back to this in 10.”_

_Her staff, feeling relieved with the break, disbursed to perform their various relaxing techniques. Leia chose to visit the ‘fresher, as she knew it would be a long afternoon._

_She stood from her desk, walked the couple steps to her private ‘fresher, and shut the door. A few seconds passed._

_If anyone had been outside the door, they would have surely heard the distress whimpers coming from inside._

_“No…” she exhaled breathlessly. “No, no, no…” She willed the words to be true._

_Exiting a moment later, her face was plastic, unreadable, cold. She strode out of her office and down the hall with a singular focus._

_“Kasara,” she said as level a voice as possible, standing in the door of her advisor’s office “We’ll continue this speech later. I… forgot I had to pick up Ben from school today.”_

_Kasara turned from her work to look at the Senator. “I can send someone to get him, Senator Organa,” she problem solved._

_“No,” Leia implored already ducking back out of the door frame. “I’ll run and get him myself. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”_

_In the hallway, she straightened herself to her full height and strode down the aisle mustering all her strength. Her mind was completely blank, in a muddled fog, with no darkness or light in sight._

_————_

_“Leia,” he found her propped up on one of the exam tables in the doctor's office after she left him a frantic message to meet her there. “Sweetheart…” She wouldn’t look at him. Her body seemed to melt into the table below her. She donned her shirt from the day and had a blanket covering her bottom half. Her shoes were discarded at the bottom of the table and her bare feet hung off the end like weary branches. Her arms laid immobile on either side. Her head, tilted to the top of the far wall. As Han got a better look, he saw her mouth droop on both sides, her eyes wide but heavy, staring at nothing._

_He walked the few arduous steps to her side and took a limp hand._

_“Leia,” he whispered tugging at her hand. “What is it? Are you okay?”_

_She nodded, but that was all she gave him._

_He wasn’t ashamed of the giant sigh of relief he gave seeing her nod. She was okay. But that brought the only other possible explanation, one almost as devastating. “The baby?”_

_All she had to do was oh so slightly shake her head, for his entire world to come crashing down around him. A heavy breath left his mouth and seemed to take any energy he had left with it. He let his body rest laboriously against hers, his head pressing against her head and his nose rubbing against her hair. “I’m so sorry, Sweetheart."_

_Neither could move. His hand still held hers, her eyes still locked on the wall, his face still buried in her braids. Very little of their combined strength remained._

_Her mind spun, as it had been doing ever since she was told. “I couldn’t feel it. The Force told me it wasn’t there.” How could she let herself grow so attached, so secure in success? She knew there were consequences when one’s optimism was proved fallacious. The brutal punishment when such glorious hope was killed by death._

_“I can't do this.” Her whispered statement escaped from her head._

_Her words pulled him from his immobilization. A new worry seeped into his thoughts. A worry that terrified him even more than this. “No, no…” He turned his head so there was some distance between them, his distraught gaze staring into her shattered yet unreadable eyes. “Leia, look at me, Sweetheart,” his voice cracked on the last word._

_She didn’t move._

_“You have to get through this, Leia.” He was frantic, desperate. “I’m with you,” he moved a hand to her chin and turned her drooping head toward him. “We’re together. I’ve got you.”_

_If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he could do this either. He certainly didn’t want to do it again. Couldn’t face his overwhelming fear of losing her. He leaned down to kiss her head and caressed her forehead with his cheek, nothing more to say._

_Somewhere inside her, reality awakened. Her natural pragmatic mode kicked in. That was all she had to carry her through. Still dry-eyed, she stretched her stiff fingers and found her husband’s hand. Gripping his fingers she whispered, “Let’s go home. The doctor said…” she paused, the silence dripped with pain. “It could be awhile. And we are to call if there are any… complications.”_

_That had him agitated again. “What do they mean complications?”_

_She needed him calm, for her own sake. “Nothing, Han. They said we shouldn’t expect any complications.”_

_He convinced himself that she needed him to be strong and he would try his best to be what she needed. He helped her sit up and put her slacks and shoes back on. She set her bare feet on the ground and reached her arm around his back._

_He looped his arm around her shoulder and came to rest on her opposite waist where her other hand found his._

_“See if Chewie can pick up Ben and take him to the Falcon for the night.”_

_He nodded and sent the message as soon as they were in their speeder headed for home._

_They were grateful for the empty halls as they slowly made their way up to their apartment._

_They took the elevator, neither speaking or moving from their position. The doors opened and they made their way straight to the bedroom. When their bed was in sight, she released her hold on her husband and reached for it like embracing an old friend. She sunk in on top of the covers and couldn’t move any further._

_“Sweetheart,” Han watched her fall into bed. “What do you want to wear?”_

_She didn’t answer, but she didn’t need to. He opened his drawer, pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts._

_By the time he came back to the bed, she was sitting up on the edge._

_“How long?” He asked, pragmatically wanting to know._

_Leia licked her lips before answering, also in a purely factual manner. “They said a few hours is typical.”_

_“It'll hurt…” he half stated, half asked._

_She nodded. “All the way through.”_

_With just the two of them, they mentally calculated the next steps before the ever excruciating waiting began._

_“Clothes,” she asked, pointing to the fabric still in his hands._

_He brought them to her while she unbuttoned her pants and took off her shirt and bra. He handed her the shirt and then the shorts. She left her blue calico scarf on the bedside table and pushed herself back onto the bed._

_“You want under the covers?” he asked as he was already helping her slide under them, trying to figure out a way to be helpful._

_When she was settled, she immediately curled onto her side and pulled a pillow into her arms._

_Her back to him, he asked, “How do ya feel?”_

_“No pain yet,” she said only loud enough for him to hear._

_“Hungry?”_

_She shook her head._

_He just stared at her. Lost._

_She guided him. “Come here with me.”_

_He nodded and rubbed his drained face roughly with his palm, almost hoping it would wash away the suffering they were about to experience._

_With nothing else to do but wait, he lifted the edge of the covers and slipped between them. Turning to his wife’s back, he slid against her; his head on her pillow, nose nuzzling her neck, legs molded against hers, and arm gently moving to take her hair out of its daily intricate puzzle._

_They laid, bathed in silence, in an aching pain of the heart, dreading what was to come. His fingers soothing through her hair as he lovingly did the only thing he could at this moment to make her feel better._

_With the final strand released, his head slowly moved up her neck and to her ear, trying to sooth her with his touch._

_And that was when she felt the first stabbing pain._

* * *

Those same fingers expertly untangled the last twist from her now graying hair, gently smoothing it across her shoulder. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought his ministrations put her to sleep.

“Thank you,” she whispered after a short time. 

He answered with another kiss to the back of her head. 

Silence. Then she broke it.

“The holo…” she reached an arm out to the now-closed box.

He knew which one she meant. What he didn’t know is if her statement meant she wanted to see it or not. When she didn’t give him any hints, he made up his mind for her and reached over to the box, never needing to shift his position. Feeling around, he could easily identify the item he sought. He pulled it out, untied the blue calico scarf, rested the holo in his palm, and presented it to her.

He was glad she was still contently lying in front of him, so he didn’t have to see her face as she contemplated whether or not she wanted to illuminate the past.

It took her time, but she eventually reached for the object and a moment later it was illuminated in front of them. 

A sonogram, not seen for 24 years. He could still make out the bean-shaped blob that was their second child. 

She knew she could easily let tears fall, staring at the life that was taken away from them. “I couldn’t feel her,” she whispered, she wanted it to be a her. “The Force couldn’t feel her.” 

Silence enveloped them.

She felt the words coming out of her vocal cords, as naturally as they did in the past. “You were relieved.” 

“Leia,” he warned, any lightness in his voice replaced with a warning tone. “Don’t start.”

She felt his body behind her immediately tense when she said that. “You were.”

Was he? Yes, he was. He didn’t want to lose her in childbirth. They had too close a call with Ben. And he couldn’t take that chance. They couldn’t take that chance.

But she already knew why he felt that way. And he knew why she fixated on… her, their unborn child. He repeated the phrase he had practically etched into her brain. “Leia, having another baby wouldn’t have made us whole again. It wouldn’t have saved Ben, either.”

She heard him. Enough time had passed, gave her more than sufficient time to think. Her whispered words an acknowledgment of true regret. “Maybe you’re right.”

He didn’t expect those words to ever come out of her mouth and he should have been satisfied, but he wasn’t. His whispered words were a second acknowledgment of true regret. “Maybe I’m wrong.”

Raw, that’s how she felt. The emotional gymnastics of their reunion moved her to cling to the physical presence of her stability.

“Han, I’m…” 

He shifted, holding her shoulders in both his hands and positioning her so he could see her eyes. What he saw in her deep browns was all he ever needed. He didn’t want to hear her say it. He stroked his palm down her arm. “Me too.”

She managed to give him a sorrowful smile. He always seemed to know what to say, or what not to say. She continued to twist settling her chest against his, but not before returning the holo to the side table. 

He was content to wash himself in the silence that followed. His hands roaming over her arms and then trailing up and down her spine. Her hands back on his chest like a magnet pulled her in and wouldn’t let up. He found his hands ever so slowly inching up the hem of her shirt and slipping under to meet the skin on her lower back.

She must have noticed that he upped his game, because he started to feel her lips place sporadic kisses across his chest, shoulders, and then trail up to his neck. 

He couldn’t suppress the moan that came from deep within when she found a particular spot behind his ear. He could feel her smile, satisfied with the reaction she got from him.

His hands moved more forcefully all over her back, capturing every part of her he could reach. When she started to get more serious about attending to that secret spot by his ear, he was forced to pull her chin up, his palms landing on her cheeks, cupping her glowing face.

“Leia…” he exhaled, his fingers moving back through the long locks.

She shuttered at her name on his lips, whispered as if a prayer. Her whole body shook with adrenaline. She needed him in the most intimate way possible. Snaking her arms under his and to the back of his shoulders, she pulled herself up to reach his ear.

“I love you, Han,” she whimpered between caresses. “I never stopped.”

And for once, he couldn’t say he knew. He hoped, gods he hoped she still did. It was fear of her no longer loving him that kept him away so long, too long. She still loved him. Loved him. He could have cried right there, basking in her sentiment. Maybe he did.


	11. Holding on for Dear Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and special thanks to those who drop a comment! Enjoy!

_**19 Years Ago- Chandrila** _

_“MOMMY!” Their ten-year old’s voice pierced through the night. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…”_

_She wasn’t even startled by the screams anymore. Her eyes opening automatically, weary and strained._

_She didn’t need to go far to find him, simply turn over in bed and there he was. His eyes were just as weary as hers, hiding behind dark strands of hair, lip pouting out, his back sitting up straight in the middle of the master bed._

_She lifted her arm, inviting him in._

_He immediately huddled into her embrace, pulling his arms tight to his chest, practically ripping the little fur his Ewok friend had left on him, as he rested his head on her shoulder._

_She gently soothed her hands over her son’s forehead, brushing the hair away from his face. Her other hand moved slowly, up and down his back as she whispered loving words into his ear._

_The hand near his head eventually settled near his ear. Her eyes closed, channeling the peace she wanted for him. The moment she jumped into his mind, she was immediately enveloped in the nightmare that tangled in his thoughts. Lines of threads, all dark, chanting voices all threatening to get him._

_She gathered up all the love and peace she could and flooded his mind. It was more difficult than one might think, the nightmares were strong and consistent. But she eventually felt him latch onto the gift she offered and let this new vision consume him._

_She kissed his head, finishing her Force outreach and now reaching out as a mother, holding him tight. “It’s okay, baby.”_

_Ben shook his head against her chest. “No it’s not.”_

_She pressed her lips onto his head once more, even her ten-year-old knew this was not working. Glancing over the top of his head, she noticed the other member of this family was still missing from his spot._

_“Ben,” she said, shifting her arm as it was falling asleep under her head. “How about we go sleep in your room?”_

_Ben hesitated. “You’ll stay with me?”_

_She nodded. “Of course, I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”_

_That was good enough for him. She followed him out of the master bedroom and down the hall to his room. The sound machine was still on from when he was first put to bed hours ago. It obviously wasn’t working well anymore._

_Ben pulled up the covers and snuggled under, close to the far side of the bed. His Mommy climbed in bed after him and laid on her side, watching as her son got comfortable._

_“Night, baby,” she whispered._

_Thankfully, it didn’t take long for exhaustion to set in and his breathing to even out._

_She easily extracted herself from the covers and snuck out of her son’s room, turning at the door to make sure he was safe and calm._

_She was about to return to the serenity of her own bed, but she paused when she heard the holo on in the other room._

_Han had retreated to the sofa with his pillow after Ben woke up the first time and climbed into their bed. He needed rest. He was leaving the next day for a month-long starship race competition. They had wanted Ben to go with him, he would have loved that. But there was no way he could travel alone with Ben, not without Force-sensitive Leia to be there when the nightmares struck._

_She found him lying in a semi-recumbent position, resting his head on his elbow and a throw blanket covering his bottom half. The holo was turned to some trash repeat show, but it seemed to hold him enraptured._

_“Han,” she made her presence known._

_He kept his exhausted eyes on the moving holo screen as he talked to her. “I couldn’t sleep out here either.”_

_“Come on back to bed,” she called through a yawn. She didn’t wait for an answer before she turned back to the master bedroom._

_Slipping back into the covers, she settled on her side, eyes immediately closing. It wasn’t long before she heard her husband’s footfalls come back into the room and then felt the mattress sink as he climbed into his side of the bed._

_There they laid, husband and wife, on either end of the bed. Silent. Both awake._

_“They’re getting worse.” Her voice thin and oh so tired._

_“No,” he answered her unasked question automatically._

_She wasn’t leaving it at that. “Han,” she said firmly while she turned around to face the center of the bed and his back._

_He sighed and turned himself around, lying on his back. “Leia, I don’t want him to train. I don’t want him to take on the responsibility of ‘Jedi protecting’ the whole galaxy.”_

_“Neither do I,” she retorted, her voice rising to match his._

_He shook his head as his eyes faced the ceiling. “He’s not Luke’s legacy.”_

_“I never said he is.”_

_“No, but Luke wants him to be.”_

_She knew the actual merit he had to that claim, so she couldn’t offer a retort._

_Han continued. “Keeping the 'Skywalker Jedi tradition’ alive.” His voice was dripping with disdain. “If he can’t have you as a full Jedi,” he nodded towards Leia. “He’ll take your son, my son.”_

_They had had this conversation before. But if their struggles through the last year were any indication of what lied ahead, something needed to change. “But he is suffering Han,” she almost pleaded with him, thinking only about her frightened baby boy. “He can’t sleep. We all can’t sleep.”_

_He swallowed. “I know,” he responded sadly._

_“Luke can help him,” she implored. “Teach him to center himself, to find his own peace, to sleep through a night for once in a…”_

_Han had heard enough. He turned his head trying to shake loose the overwhelming responsibility he felt and blurted out, “It’s your decision, alright!”_

_“My decision,” she exclaimed propping herself up against her elbow. “Kriff, Han! He’s our son. It’s OUR decision.”_

_“I don’t know what to do…” he exclaimed spreading his arms in surrender, a rare moment of honest admission. “I wanna help him, I just…” he exhaled, not even sure how to vocalize how helpless he felt. “I can’t fix it.”_

_She gave his words a moment to sink in before she answered. “How do you think he feels, hum?”_

_“I just…” He stretched his arm across the center of the bed and turned his head so he could see her. “I don’t want to lose him.”_

_Her head shook in a quick motion. “Me neither.” She met his hand halfway and folded it into her own. Holding on for dear life._

* * *

_I love you._

He remembered the first time he heard those glorious words uttered from her mouth. Here they were pressed together in the bunk of his beloved Falcon, over three decades from when she first said it. How could this time be so much more impactful?

Her words were barely out of her mouth before she found his lips pressed against hers with all the passion he had felt for the past 35 years. She drank in the warmth he offered and gave twice as much as she took. 

He wanted more of her. With practiced expertise, he used the force of his next kiss to shift their collective bodies so she was sprawled under him, keeping his weight propped on his elbows to keep some pressure off her small frame.

The motion jolted her, excited her, stole all the air she had left, forcing her to break their kiss and bury her face in the crook of his neck to revive herself.

He was still conscious and kept his lips working, making their way across her jaw and down to the hollow of her neck, the soft sweet skin making his lips tingle with every touch. 

Gods he still had it. She pulled him down on top of her, his full weight securing her in place and making it impossible for him to hide his arousal. 

“Mmmm, Han,” she cooed feeling his weight on her. 

He covered any more sounds with his mouth, thoroughly melting her into the mattress. His hands made it to the hem of her shirt. This time he lifted it over her head without hesitation. 

Once her arms were free, she pulled his neck back toward her. He halted and took a moment to run his fingertips over her eyes and her lips.

She shook her head. “What?” she asked.

Running his fingers along her hairline, he leaned over and placed his lips over each eyelid and down to her bare lips. “Beautiful, Princess,” he exhaled. “Just like the day I met you.”

Her inner glow brightened considerably with his words. “Aren’t you a catch, Hotshot.” 

He snaked his hands towards the waist of her pants and kept with their frantic pace. “You know it, Sweetheart.”

She felt his fingertips over her skin. “Your humility is truly… remarkable,” she exhaled.

“And it’s all for you.” Sitting up on his knees, he drew her pants and underwear down her legs and thew them to the floor. With her bare beneath him, he started at her ankle and slowly ran his fingertips up her leg, around her hip, across her stomach, and covering the expanse her chest.

“If it’s all for me,” she panted from his skilled touch. Finding his hand on her chest, she linked her fingers with his. Her voice husky and dry as she uttered her plea. “Then give it to me.”

When she knew she hadn’t killed him with her words and his chest was in fact still taking in air, she released her grasp on him and wiggled her body down so her face was at his chest. Her hands reached for the edge of his pants. She replaced her fingers with her lips on his abdomen. 

That was all it took for him to join her in helping to make sure his bottoms joined hers in a heap on the floor.

With her task complete and the last bit of clothing removed, she wiggled herself back to the top of the bed.

He stared down into her deep brown eyes.

Sliding her arms around his chest and digging her fingers into his back, she pulled him on top of her again. 

He, again, let his upper body fall on her chest, lowering his head to hers. Ever so lightly, he rubbed his nose, cheek, and lips against her skin. She felt his warm breath and gentle touch leave goosebumps in their wake. He trailed down the side of her cheek, below her ear, and over her sensitive jawline.

His tender fondling left her senses tingling and her breathing intensified. When he finally decided to kiss her lips, she eagerly joined him, using her arms wrapped around him to lift herself against his body. She twisted, repositioning her mouth to heighten the kiss and her leg to wrap around his hip. 

“Han…” she barely made her plea heard above the pounding in his head. But he did hear her and acted, taking her knee into position and locking eyes as they each got what they wanted, what they needed.

She arched her back just like he remembered. Her arms tightened their grip around his body and her chin tilting to the sky. 

This gave him the opportunity to nestle his head against her shoulder, his hand feeling along her lithe body until it folded it into her own. Holding on for dear life.


	12. I Wish We Didn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! One more chapter after this.

_**7 Years Ago- Hosnian Prime (Close to the time of Bloodline)** _

_It was still early. The light had not yet penetrated thought the high rise jungle that was Hosnian Prime. Yet the capital of the New Republic was already bustling, speeders on their way to work, citizens chugging their first kaff of the day, and families eating breakfast together._

_None of these phenomena were happening in the Organa apartment positioned in the center of the city in a high rise building that overlooked the busyness all around. The eye of the hurricane._

_The lady of the house’s eyes blinked lightly before closing languidly. She rested in a recumbent position on her side, legs sprawled across the bed and arms like putty wherever they landed. Her hair was almost as wild as her body’s position, sprayed all across her upper body and her pillow._

_It turns out her pillow at that moment was breathing just as heavy and was just as sated as its occupant. It took them both more than a moment before the blood came back into their brains._

_He managed to raise an arm and pushed the edge of her shirt (which was actually his shirt) off her shoulder and laid a burning kiss where it once was. He spoke with a raspy voice. “Are you satisfied with your service, your Worship?”_

_He felt her chest move with her laugh, her hand reached back to lightly scratch his neck. “For now.”_

_She was so ideally positioned between his arms and legs that he couldn’t not wrap her in his all-encompassing embrace. “So this is why ya keep me around.”_

_She laughed with vigor as she found herself surrounded by him._

_He found her ear and lowered his voice, “Wanna stay in bed and make out all day?”_

_She was planning a retort when she noticed the first of the dawn beginning to shine through the window. “Kriff, I have an early meeting…”_

_“Leia…” he whined. Trying to hold her down, getting an elbow in the gut for his efforts._

_“Don’t start with me,” she scolded, successfully batting his limbs away and rolling off the bed. “I told you about this before we even started. We both have to get moving.”_

_“I wish we didn’t,” he groaned under his breath. He flipped onto his side and watched as his wife glided efficiently to her closet._

_With nothing left to keep him content on the bed, he shifted the sheets that got tangled in his leg and groaned as he stood up. The groan a constant reminder that he was not as young as he once was. He caught another quick dose of reality as soon as he saw himself in the ‘fresher mirror._

_His hair was definitely fully gray now, no use denying it as he had for years. And the wrinkles on his face practically masked the fading scar on his chin. He ran a hand down his face, attempting to wake it up._

_Leia joined him, now dressed in her formal robes and getting started on her face._

_Gods, age had been good to her. Her hair still had color, but was transforming into a shimmering caramel he adored. He knew her body had changed, he had been observing it most carefully through the years, but he found he was only more and more drawn to her._

_As he got rid of his morning stubble, he watched her apply goop to her face. ‘It’s to get rid of blemishes,’ she said. Well it must be doing a damn good job because he could never find any._

_Han finished in the ‘fresher and moved back into the bedroom for his clothes before continuing onto the kitchen to find some breakfast._

_He found some frozen pancakes he had made a few months ago on his last trip to Hosnian Prime and decided to warm them up. By the time they were ready, Leia had emerged, hair plaited and looking particularly goddess-like._

_“Pancakes,” she smiled as she found her seat at the table. “You are too good to me, honey.”_

_He found his seat beside her. “I just warmed them up.”_

_She took a full bite filled with syrup and groaned with satisfaction. “This will always remind me of Ben.”_

_Han nodded, this was Ben’s favorite breakfast. With her bringing him up, he continued with their topic, asking the question that had been on his mind since he landed the day before. “Have ya heard from him recently?”_

_Leia kept her eyes on her breakfast, answering first with a shake of her head. “No, not from Ben or Luke.”_

_Han twisted his mouth sadly._

_“I send them messages regularly…”_

_“Me too,” Han immediately responded._

_They continued their breakfast._

_“Leia…” Han said in a hesitant sing-song voice._

_His playful tone drew her attention. “Yes…” she repeated in the same manner._

_“Can you do your,” he gestured his hand in a circle towards her head. “Do the thing and tell him ‘hey,’ from me.”_

_She acted shocked, dropping her fork onto her plate. “Why Han Solo! Are you actually asking me to use the Force?”_

_Remembering all the times he berated and criticized it, she deserved her moment before he answered. “Just this once.”_

_She wanted to talk to him too, so she easily gave in. “Luke doesn’t like me to interfere with his training in this way.” Yet that didn’t stop her this time. She closed her eyes, bringing her mind to a peaceful center before reaching out on the thread that was their son._

_Han watched, waited. It was a few minutes before she blinked her eyes opened and grinned at him._

_“He’s doing well, Han. His mind is clear and at peace.”_

_Han nodded, glad to hear he was healing and this Jedi mumbo jumbo wasn’t a waste._

_“He said he misses you, misses us.”_

_Han thought he would be pleased to hear that, but it just made his heart sad._

_Leia quickly continued. “He had this aura of pride surrounding him. He said Luke is very pleased with his training.”_

_Han rolled his eyes, “Of course Luke is pleased…”_

_“He’s a skilled Jedi, Han,” Leia retorted, lifting her breakfast to her lips again._

_“I knew he would be…” Han set his shoulders back. “With my blood runnin’ through his veins n’ all.”_

_Leia had to guffaw at that. “And I’m sure I had nothing to do with that!”_

_He flicked his eyebrows before grinning at her, giving up his game._

_With her plate empty, she stood from the table and went to clean up the kitchen. “When are you leaving?” She asked when she felt Han follow her._

_"Are you trying to get rid of me?" he asked leaning on the kitchen door and turning to her with a raise of his eyebrow._

_She smirked and shook her head. Her answer earnest. “No.”_

_Han brushed his hand over his chin. “I need to be at the track tomorrow morning to draw the course.” He had another lengthy race to officiate._

_She nodded and now moved to rinse off his plate._

_“But I could leave late and fly through the night?” He offered, reaching out._

_She didn’t answer right away, but instead weighed her schedule. She had a crucial dinner meeting with a coalition of wary senators whose constituents had some serious questions about the centralization efforts in the New Republic._

_She had to be there. But why did this feel like such a monumental decision?_

_“I have a dinner this evening I can’t miss,” she spoke low and busied herself with her dishes before a spark of hope flitted before her. “You can come.”_

_He pursed his lips. He had joined her for enough formal dinners filled with garbling politicking to despise even the mention of another one. Even plastering himself with wine to get through it had gotten old. Now it just gave him a bad headache. He shook his head. “No thank ya.” Besides, she wouldn’t be free to spend any of that time with him, she had a duty to perform and gods she was good at performing it._

_She sighed._

_He had one more offer to give her to consider. As she finished up the dishes, he leaned against the counter beside her, his hand reaching across to rest on hers. “How’bout you come with me.” His voice quiet, serious. “We can hunker down in the Falcon, like old times. Travel. Like nomads without a care in the world.”_

_She flipped her hand up to feel his palm with her fingers, her eyes lifting to meet his. “You don’t think we would miss home?”_

_“You’re my home, Leia.” He said it as if it was obvious, as if she would be crazy to think otherwise. “It’s fine whenever I’m with you.”_

_“Han…” his sentiment struck her. It would be all too easy to say yes. “I can’t.”_

_He sighed, shook his head, eyes turned from optimistic to disappointed. “I know you can’t.” She held the safety and prosperity of the galaxy in her hands. He just wished the galaxy would take a break for a while and let him have her back._

_She saw his disappointment and knew she felt it too. Lifting a hand to his shoulder to steady herself, she reached her lips to his cheek. “I’m sorry.”_

_He shook his head and held her waist in his hands. “Don’t be. It’ll work out for us someday.”_

_She held onto that hope._

_They walked together to the front door and he placed a final kiss on her forehead before she disappeared on the other side._

_“So long, Sweetheart.”_

* * *

It was still early. The light had not yet penetrated thought ships and bunkers that were the Resistance base. There was very little movement in these early hours, the calm before the storm.

Han was the first of them to blink his eyes awake. When he came into consciousness, he found himself lying on his back in the middle of the bed with a comfortable weight holding him down. Her cheek rested on his bare chest, her arms draped over his and curled to let her hand cup his arm. The sheets came up to her back, but he could feel her legs straddling one of his, their ankles entwined. 

He didn’t want this day to begin, so he contented himself with watching her sleep. He listened to that humming sound coming from her mouth he had missed. It wasn’t a true snore, but it had a musical quality. He pulled her hair back from her face. From his position, he could only see her eyelids and her curved nose. Sitting up a bit, he could see the pale, radiant skin on her back. 

Very gently, he ran the backs of his fingers down her spine. He pushed the covers as far down as he could reach, exposing her entire back. 

She began to stir under his ministrations. Her hand absently stretched down the side of his body, reaching the top of his thigh. 

With sleep still enveloping her and her eyes still partway shut, she tilted her head. “Han.” Her voice airy and mystic, like she barely believed he was actually there.

He answered by grabbing her upper arms, pulling her limb frame up on top of him, and bringing her mouth to his. 

There was no urgency, only a slow comforting feeling of belonging. When she was sufficiently kissed and her eyes were slightly open, he leaned back, “Hey, Sweetheart.”

She grinned, her lips accurately able to express the joys in the moment mixed with the bleakness of reality. “Hey yourself.”

She sunk back down into her previous position, this time using the strength in her arms to lock around his bicep and his chest. 

He tilted his chin to reach the top of her head. His hands continuing their ministrations on her back. “So,” he sighed. “Wanna stay here and make out all day?”

She flipped her head up to him, a wry smile. “Get your head out of the stars, Flyboy, and come back to land.”

He widened his eyes, feigning innocence.

“Besides, we’ve got quite an operation going today.” She tilted her head back down to his chest. “Or haven’t you heard?”

He shrugged, “I heard rumors.” He rolled her resting fingers against his own, taking each one in his hand with special care. “Heard there’s a…” he paused. “More mature hotshot pilot who’s gonna save the day.”

“Hum,” she inquired, lulling herself into their playful conversation. “Tell me about him?”

Han pretended to think. “Heard he’s good lookin’. Breaking hearts right and left.”

“He better not be…” she interjected. “Or else he will be reporting to me.”

He shivered at that thought. “Called into the General’s office for a-talkin' to, huh.” He felt her elbow dig into his abdomen and immediately changed course. “Anyway, I hear he’s taken.”

She rolled her voice, deep and firm. “You bet he is!”

“Uh-hum,” he hummed as he paid special homage to her finger with the ring adornment. “Some ravishing foreign royal already stole his heart.”

Leia smiled, looking with him at her ring. “She must be quite a woman. To handle such a handsome hotshot.”

He nodded. “She’s more than equipped,” he raised her hand to his lips and kissed the ring. 

She didn’t want the next words to come out of her mouth, but they did. They needed to. “We really do have to get up now.”

His sigh could be felt throughout the galaxy. “Yea,” he held her close, one more time before releasing his hold. “But I wish we didn’t.”


	13. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the end! I'm not sure if people will find this ending sad or heartening. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Also, I am considering continuing this story, rewriting TFA where Han lives. PLEASE let me know if this is something you would like or else I won't continue.
> 
> Thanks to all who have read and sent me a note! Enjoy!

_**4 Years Ago- Undisclosed Location** _

_She was already up by the time he cracked his eyes open, the dip on the far side of the bed a physical manifestation of the distance between them._

_His first thoughts were that she could have just left, but then he glanced at the com on her nightstand. She wouldn’t leave without that, he deduced._

_He didn’t know how he managed to actually sleep at all after the day they had. He was fairly confident she never closed her eyes. Although he could never verify that, as she laid with her back to him all night, barely moving but mind working overtime._

_He was right, she didn’t leave yet. She emerged from the ‘fresher a moment later, bringing with her an energy he couldn’t find in himself. She was fully dressed and doggedly on a mission, so it seemed._

_His voice came out groggy and deeper than usual as he rubbed his eyes, trying to bring the life back into them. “Ya already showered,” he said, more of a statement than a question as her soggy hair, now in a neat plait, and clean face showed he was right._

_She nodded to him anyway, continuing her determined path to her com and collecting the few things she brought with her into their temporary hotel room. She sat on the edge of her side of the bed to scroll through any messages._

_With her back to him, he couldn’t read her. Even when she was facing him, he still couldn’t read her nowadays. He was suddenly transported back 2 years ago, when their unimaginable troubles climaxed._

_Her hysteria when she sensed something went terribly wrong: “Han. I can’t find Ben. He’s lost in the Force. I can’t find him Han!”_

_His anger when they were finally confronted with what happened: “Luke, Kriff, what’re you sayin’? I don’t believe it. Ben would never do that. He’s my son!”_

_Her feelings of family betrayal: “I thought he was your nephew before he was your experiment! There’s good in him Luke. I thought you knew that.”_

_When the dust had settled, he blamed himself and she blamed herself. She was angry. He was angry. She was hurting. He was hurting. But they were doing it alone._

_And after what they discovered the previous day, their entire world again shifted._

_They met with one of her trusted contacts who had new information for them. A new name echoed along the thread that used to be their son holding a new position at the right hand of the Supreme Leader. Kylo Ren was born. Ben Solo was dead._

_Since Luke got word to them about what happened at his academy, they had proceeded with hope, working day and night, separately and together, to track him down, to bring him home._

_But this time was different. Han felt a change in the wind, a point of no return. The wound was raw, too deep and too raw. Unable to be healed._

_While she focused on her com and nothing else around her, he got up and readied himself in the ‘fresher, emerging a moment later to find that nothing had changed._

_With nothing else to do to keep himself busy and push off the inevitable conversation, he placed his hands on his hips and spoke. “Leia…”_

_“We need to find Luke,” she stated plainly, obviously waiting for him to speak just so she could cut him off._

_That was not what he expected her to say and he wasn’t prepared for his forceful retort. “Luke got us into this in the first place!” His anger at himself, the world, often came out in angry rants targeted at his brother-in-law._

_“And he’s the only one who can help Ben now!” Leia answered with just as much force._

_“Ya know what,” Han felt the ire rise in him, as it had so easily in the past 2 years. “That kid has less guts than I gave him credit for. Kriff, he runs away. Can’t face his own family after what he’s done. Leaves someone else to clean up his mess…”_

_“You can’t place the blame for the rise of the First Order on Luke…”_

_“Oh yes I can…”_

_Leia had given him enough time to wallow in his own grief. She needed to call him out. “Han, stop it. I know don’t actually blame Luke, you blame yourself!”_

_That hit it. The wound was too raw and she called it what it was. Digging a knife into a gaping cut._

_“But you shouldn’t blame yourself.” Seeing his wounded face, she only backed off slightly, still keeping the direct edge in her tone. “It’s not your fault.”_

_It was going to take more than her assurance for him to believe that. Han rolled his head, moving his palms to cover the helplessness on his face. Maybe this was the moment when the news from the previous day finally sunk in, but he found the words so easily leaving his mouth. “He’s gone.”_

_Her head immediately shot to his, fire in her eyes. “My son is not gone.”_

_He felt his chin drift up to look at her. She exuded an optimistic confidence that he wished he could feel. Instead, he was drained, eyes looking back to the past because he saw no hope in the future._

_“Have you already given up on him?” Leia’s words bit him, hard._

_He stuck out a finger at her. “Don’t you put words in my mouth I never said.”_

_“It’s what you're thinking though isn’t it?” She stung again._

_Han shifted his weight, started to pace the room. What else could he do? “If you can’t reach him with your Jedi mind thingy, what do you expect me to be able to do, huh?”_

_“Han, you’re his father.” She said immediately, as if that was the answer. She paused, waiting for his pacing to stop and for his eyes to meet hers. “Every time I look at you, I see him.” And she did. How could she not? “He’s our son and he needs to come home.”_

_He didn’t have any more fight in him, not for this current spat or for the continued fight it would take to reach their son. “Leia,” he sunk himself on the bottom edge of the bed, his body and soul both sinking. “I can’t take much more of this.”_

_And that statement seemed to solidify a decision neither of them wanted to make._

_Silence followed, a heartbreaking silence._

_It seemed like their entire life together played out in front of them. Times of atmospheric breaking highs and the falls that followed._

_There was nothing left to say._

_She slowly stood. Took the last of her things on the night table and placed them in the small sack she brought._

_His heart stopped beating. “You’re goin’ back to the Resistance base?” He almost whispered._

_She nodded, keeping busy with her task. “They can help find Luke.” She draped a scarf to cover her head and the bottom of her face, only her eyes visible. “You know how to find me.”_

_It was another statement. He stared at her, lips turning down of their own accord, and nodded._

_She stepped towards the door, feeling like her life was held in slow motion, like she was floating in the ocean, moving against the tide pulling her back._

_Han counted each step as he watched her. He swallowed, he needed to say something, to tell her something, to make sure she knew something._

_She opened the door._

_“Leia, I…” he croaked out before his voice stopped._

_She turned, gazed at the man sitting hunched over at the corner of the bed. His eyes red, bloodshot, elbows resting heavily on his knees, hands twisted in each other’s grasp, mouth hanging open without a sound coming out._

_She knew what she wanted him to say. What she wanted to hear._

_But he found himself silent, nothing would come out._

_She gave him enough time. She had other things to put her focus into. And those goals could not be accomplished by staying in place._

_Her head dipped down as she turned back to the door one final time and walked onward._

_And with her departure, she took his whole world with her._

* * *

He muddled around the Falcon, making final preparations. As always, Chewie had it mostly taken care of, but Han was at a loose end as he waited for their clearance to go through. So he pretended to be deep in concentration, up until the time came.

There was a mass of Resistance fighters that halted their own flight preparations to see the Falcon off. Huddled around the base of the ship, they spoke amongst each other about the next battle plan, the strategy, and making off-hand jokes to keep them optimistic in their dire reality. 

Han spoke with some of them. His signature swagger on display, projecting the confidence he wished he felt. Where was she?

He scanned the crowd.

Finn, his battle gear clutched tight, approached. Sharing a brief rundown of what they would be facing, Finn boarded the Falcon. 

He scanned the crowd.

Admiral Ackbar gave him the signal he was supposed to wait for. The signal that told him all was a go.

He desperately scanned the crowd.

Chewie called from the top of the ramp. Everything was ready for liftoff.

His feet seemed rooted to his spot on the ground at the bottom of the ramp. “Yea,” he called back to his copilot. “I’ll be there.”

He turned once more, eyes scanning, senses tingling. He knew he didn’t have time to seek her out. Finally giving up, his head dipped down as he turned back to the ramp and walked onward.

“Han!”

He turned back. He wouldn’t have been surprised if it was just his subconscious making himself believe he heard her voice calling out to him. His heart sunk for a moment believing this was the case.

But then he saw her emerge from the side of the horseshoed crowd, looking almost as desperate as he felt.

“I’m so sorry,” she uttered out of breath from her haste. “I thought you were leaving an hour from now and when I realized that…”

“Leia,” he exhaled a heavy sigh of relief and stopped her from speaking. He reached out his hands as his own legs brought him closer to her. 

She stepped up just as quickly. Neither hesitated as their bodies collided with the force of their magnetic movement, his arms wrapping around her shoulders and her arms snaking up his back, head pressed to his chest, eyes shut tight, holding on securely as they swayed in their embrace. Each were lost in the other’s caress, barely aware of the hush that fell around them.

He nuzzled the side of her face, treasuring the skin to skin contact. “Leia I…” He halted, hesitating. 

One eye cracked open and observed over her head. “They’re staring.” The huddled masses stood transfixed, curious, heartened.

He felt rather than heard her chest rumble in amusement. He was only momentarily disappointed when she pulled her head back just enough so she could look at him, their lips merely a breath apart.

She let her tongue peek out of her mouth, wetting her bottom lip, as she observed him under hooded eyes. “So?”

He didn’t need any more encouragement to close the space between them and revel in this homecoming. Their lips met in a warm kiss full of deep affection. It was as if time lifted. They went back 30 years, before they were a family of three, before they were married, before the war ended. They were just Han and Leia, one, together.

Their kiss was long and gentle. Reassuring. Comfortable. Calming. 

Their lips had to break sometime, but that didn’t mean they had to let go quite yet. Her eyes stayed closed, savoring this moment, as her arms pulled in so she could trail her hands up his chest and feel the warmth emanating from him. 

She eventually opened her eyes to see his locked on her.

Neither could breathe as the other’s gaze seeped into their pores. It seemed like their entire life together played out in front of them. Times of atmospheric breaking highs and the falls that followed. But there was no doubt that the highs outweighed the lows. Here they were, together, on the other side. The same passion and connection, bruised but not broken, after all these years. 

“Leia, I…” She felt his warm breath as he finished his whispered sentiment. “Gods, I love you, Leia.” His voice all but breaking as he ran his fingers across her cheek. “So much.”

She heard his words and let them wash over her, like a salve to her soul. Nuzzling her cheek in his palm, she mirrored his action with her own hand and gently tipped his chin down to meet her in another short but sufficient kiss.

A burst of wind caught them by surprise as the Falcon’s engine revved, ready for departure. 

He stepped back, keeping her hands in his as long as possible before they inevitably had to part. The pair’s eyes exchanged one last silent message of hope before he uttered his final words to her.

“And I always will.”


End file.
